When my favorite articles of clothing get stained it puts me in a dilemma. I know my wife would tell me to ‘get rid of it.’ There’s something inside me that wants to continue enjoying the clothing despite the stain. The stain makes it embarrassing to wear in public, so I typically limit where I wear those items.
I also make it a point to try out various stain removers in hopes of finding something that works. Usually, my wife has already tried the usual methods. Just looking at them in my closet produces mixed feelings. I like the clothes, yet each time I wear them stained, my dislike of them grows. This typically goes on until my dislike overtakes how much I like it. At that point, I ‘get rid of it.’
My stain experiences have shown me some lessons about affairs as well. When your marriage is stained or tainted by an affair it’s embarrassing. Some of the worst stains are those of old affairs. They are like old stains that won’t come out. There’s a sense of unease and discomfort when we confront the issue of infidelity in a relationship. Just like stained clothing, it can be tempting to simply discard the relationship and move on. But just like how there are different methods for removing stubborn stains, there are also various ways to address and repair a damaged marriage.
Yes, you and your spouse have made it through it, yet the stain of it still bothers you. Like the nagging stain on my clothes in the closet, the old affair bothers you each time you think about it. You may have hidden it way back in your memory, but it’s still there. It limits your ability to take pride in your marriage. It reminds you of what ‘could have been’ instead of what is.
The best way I’ve found to deal with the stain of old affairs is forgiveness. The problem is that these days, people don’t know how to forgive. They know how to move on, how to hold a grudge, or how to get revenge, but not how to forgive. There is not just the act of forgiveness, but also what is needed after forgiveness.
It’s rare that you even see a movie or television show where you even get an inkling of how to forgive. I’ve looked around and seen the dearth of good, solid forgiveness material. This is what inspired me to put together the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”.
It explains what forgiveness is, and how to do it. It also sorts out the difference between forgiveness and repentance. Getting things like that mixed up in your head leads to unforgiveness.
Start cleaning up the old stains in your marriage. You don’t have to be haunted by those old memories any longer.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
