Back when I began Restore The Family, I never imagined that viewing marriage as an institution between one man and one woman would viewed as an act worthy of a special ‘hate crimes’ unit investigation. At that time I firmly believed that helping marriages and families overcome problems was a good thing.
So when I read about the Attorney General of Michigan having a special ‘hate crimes’ unit investigate and harass a group that firmly held to traditional views of marriage, it concerned me. I never considered ‘traditional marriage’ a threat to anyone.
It’s not just me who sees the threat. In a 2023 Pew Survey involving several thousand people, 40% of Americans expressed pessimism regarding the future of the institution of marriage and the family, this is in contrast with 26% who say they are optimistic and the remaining 29% who say they are neither.
I also knew that healthy marriages are the keystone of restoring families. Helping couples restore health to their marriage relationships meant helping them overcome the obstacles to their marriage.
One of the big obstacles to healthy marriages is the threat of affairs. Bringing in third parties to your marriage creates instability to your marriage.
Those threats are in your neighborhood, church, school, and local community. The hopeful news is that you can reduce the threat.
Although the mantra “the more the merrier” is often heard, it doesn’t apply to marriages. Marriage works best when the two of you are committed to each other. The one-man-one-woman model still works better than any kind of shared bonding with third parties.
When third parties are brought in, other issues come with them. Issues of loyalty, trust, fidelity, and commitment are each challenged when the special relationship of marriage is tinkered with by adding an affair to the mix. The affair damages the stability of your marriage. It creates an atmosphere filled with fear and insecurity. It plants self-doubt. It leaves you wondering if you’re sexy enough, thin enough, or have enough love for your spouse.
That kind of self-doubt will have you second-guessing yourself instead of having confidence in what you do and what you decide. When your home is unstable, your world is unstable as well. The effects of an affair not only damage the stability of a marriage but also have a ripple effect on the entire family. Children are often caught in the middle, witnessing their parents’ relationship crumble and experiencing emotional turmoil as they try to cope with the aftermath.
By adding another person, you add emotional turmoil. You also bring insecurity into your life and your family. If anything, I see modern values as more of a threat to your marriage than your marriage being a threat to others. When an affair happens, it doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. There are things you can do. A place to start is with the video “Overcoming the Affair Crisis“. It guides you through those initial days of uncertainty and unsound thinking. It helps you start finding your way when you don’t have the energy to get out of bed.
Order your copy of the video today and start taking steps to strengthen your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
