When an affair is discovered, the initial reaction by the resolute spouse is to remove the infidel.
When Phil came home from work, he was surprised to see his belongings scattered through the house. It looked ransacked. Then his saw his wife Candy, standing in the hallway. She looked at him and in a voice of rage screamed “Pack your bags and get out!”
Phil often recalls that day as one filled with pain, remorse, rejection and loneliness.
Removing the infidel, like Candy did with Phil, only removes the surface issues by providing a target to blame. The removal of the adulterous spouse does not improve the relationship, it does not address what is missing in the marriage and it does not provide any long term solutions.
The ‘pack your bag’ episode is often the first in a series of confrontations that each spouse will have to face. Kicking the adulterous spouse out may feel good, yet provide little substance in terms of the healing needed for two hurting people. It takes work to discuss hurts and disappointments. It takes effort to develop team work and the spirit of ‘oneness’ in a marriage.
The command “Pack your bags and get out!” is a big rejection of the adulterous spouse. It not only rejects what they did, it rejects them. Since the ‘pack your bags’ episode often occurs shortly after the discovery of an affair, it is a time when the spouses need each other and each other’s acceptance the most. Instead of obtaining that acceptance, the dramatic ‘pack your bags’ delivers rejection.
The command “Pack your bags..” is often delivered in anger. Such a message is totally different when it is delivered with tears and pleading. In such cases, the pain is too much and being in close proximity to each other would only bring more pain.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
