In the days I worked in hospitals, one term that troubled me was ‘co-morbidity’. The term itself conjures images of death, nightmares, Dr. Phibes and Freddie Kreuger.
The term made it sound as if the person with a co-morbid condition was doubly in danger of death. Although the intellectual part of my brain knew that wasn’t the case, the emotional part of my brain continued imagining the ominous sound of the term.
The reality is that the term is used whenever someone has two major problems that brought them in for treatment. I hadn’t thought about that term until a recent email from a reader brought the issue to me.
She wrote: “My husband was a recovering alcoholic for all of 5 months before his affair began. I believe he was struggling with his sobriety and supposedly this woman was helping provide support in AA. He has since transferred his addictions to strip clubs, sex/porn, gambling and I am pretty sure cocaine use. He is spiraling out of control and our divorce is now final.”
The combination of an affair plus and addiction is bad news. Each of them can literally kill you. When they’re combined, knowing where to start poses challenges. When an addict has an affair, it really is a co-morbid condition on many levels.
When in recovery from addiction, starting new relationships sabotages recovery. In recovery circles, this is often referred to as 13th stepping.
When sincerely working in recovery, the addict is vulnerable. In some cases, it may be the first time in their life they are that vulnerable with others. They start confusing intensity with intimacy.
Confusing the two leads them into thinking that for the first time in their lives they are really close to others and ‘it’s LOVE!‘ It’s true that they haven’t dealt with reality in a while, but what they are experiencing isn’t love.
Addictive behavior also has the tendency to spread. The loss of control doesn’t stay in one area. It longs to be free in roaming other areas of the addicts life.
Their brain goes bonkers in seeking gratification. It wants what it wants, when it wants it and how it wants it. When it goes on a binge, they spiral ‘out of control’.
Living with such a person, much less staying married to them is a wild roller coaster ride. There are ups and downs a plenty. In fact, there’s always some drama going on, since drama helps them excuse indulging in their addiction and gives them a way of avoiding responsibility.
If you’ve ridden this roller coaster, you know first-hand about the drama. You also know how draining it is. You also know the importance of support groups in making it through it.
The support community at Restored Lifestyle is here to help you through the nightmare you’re living through. Even after you leave the roller coaster, your mind and heart are still reeling from its effects.
Consider be part of the community in working your way through the affair and related issues.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
