I was struck by a quote in a book I have been reading. The author stated “Character traits also run in families”. I realized that this has some applications for those of you who are struggling with affairs. There are some of you who are faced with the challenge of dealing with ‘bad’ character traits that stem from the cheater being raised in a ‘bad’ family. In some families, infidelity and sexual abuse run rampant. When infidelity has run rampant for several generations, it is then deemed ‘normal’ for them and they think nothing of it. If you happen to marry into such a family, you may wonder, “What planet am I on now?” since everything is so topsy-turvy. In such families, behaviors that should not be allowed are common. The infidelity has a way of turning things around in terms of morals and in terms of creating strong family ties with their secrets and control games.
These affair-approving bad families have such strong family ties, they keep the cheating secret and make you think that something is wrong with you since you are daring to question them. They do not view the cheating as wrong. Since the ‘sick’ patterns are so engrained, they do not recognize them as wrong, bad, or inappropriate. Within such families, cheating and infidelity are not only accepted, they are expected behaviors. The infidelities give more power to the secrets and provide leverage against ‘outsiders’.
When you are faced with such families, it may feel like a bad Hollywood movie, where the family and whole town are against you. In some cases, the sickness has permeated the community as well as the family. When that happens, it makes it hard to find help or people to talk to about what you are struggling with.
Dealing with such a family is a daunting challenge. The secret keeping is so strong, that you may be labelled as ‘crazy’ since you dare to question them or talk about ‘the secret’. You will need to realize that you are not crazy for questioning the cheating. You also need to realize that their world is ‘topsy-turvy’ from yours. It is as if you have to take out your brain, twist it around and put it in backwards in order to make sense of the way they do things and look at things. This is one of the reasons the word ‘twisted’ fists such families.
In order to survive in such families, you will need a strong support system that you can talk with. Living in this topsy-turvy world of such families may leave your brain and your heart feeling scrambled. Rather than give up in despair, you can get help to overcome the sickness you are surrounded by.
There is hope. You do not have to suffer in quiet desperation. With the use of distance counseling, you can get help from people who are not a part of the world and community that surrounds and engulfs you.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
4 Responses
WOW….explains the show ‘Dallas’ eh? ….What a nightmare scenario…Makes me wonder about the OW my husband was committing adultery with ..>Her parents both knew about him being married with children and still accepted what they were doing and approved them having children! and not planning to marry!
It boggles the mind sometimes unless you understand that there IS a spiritual ‘army ‘ of sorts working overtime to gain access through human’s who are open to doing such things.
The OW ‘s father was an alcoholic…but a respected business man! Her mother had been married and had two children but that man died then she married the OW ‘s father,…
One of her half sisters is a christian or so it has been said…I often wonder how that has gone …It can’t be great ..since the OW has raised her daughter to ‘hate Christians’ ….or so the daughter told my husband .
It is not clear what they KNOW about Jesus Christ from the Word …but still that is a radical way to raise a child.
My one time sharing our home , faith and homeschooling with her seemed to drive her forward to urging my husband onward to have the two children. It was shortly after that party that she began her campaign to get him to get her pregnant.
Dysfunctional is an understatement!
Bad families explain a lot. I am surprised by how dysfunctional a lot of big business leaders, pastors, community leaders, etc., really are. In many ways it is very scary that such people are in such prominent positions.
Yes…what comes to mind is
Luk 16:15 And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.
Man sees things differently than GOD …probably why the Pharisees who were thought of as the most holy of men at the time ..were not so in the sight of Jesus Christ ..He sees not as men see things.
Man usually seems to ‘vote’ for that which is most pleasing to his flesh ..and without the knowledge of the Word we don’t always ‘see” the truth of people or behaviors…
Part of the reason behind being ‘taught’ of GOD through the word …study and application in every situation .
It takes caring about what GOD wants…more than anything we feel or want or what others may approve of ..and it may be hard at times but WORTH it ..in the long run ..and eternity .
Someone once said “we get the government we deserve” …AWK!
Well the Irealites did not want to leave the flesh pots of Egypt either ..comfort is so compelling ..but doing righteousness is much wiser….being willing to learn and change according to GOD’S directives…
Zaza,
Well said.