When I saw the advice column with the headline of “Why can’t I stop having affairs?” I decided on reading it. The wife asked the question of struggles with serial cheating.
She feels little or no guilt about her actions. She claims to be ‘happily married’, yet believes she can’t control herself. She even had one fling when they were on their honeymoon.
She states “My behavior is like an addiction and, despite my good intentions, I seem unable to stop.” Her letter contained several examples of her loss of control.
As the headline suggests and her letter confirms, there are addiction issues. The weak self-control, lack of remorse, and engaging in dangerous behavior without hesitation tell me her problem is out of control.
One bright spot is that she wants to change and is reaching out for help. Situations like hers challenge the cheating assumptions.
She wants to change and admits there is some form of addiction going on. I see more hope for her than for some couples I’ve worked with. She needs help with her addictive behavior.
What I do know is that her husband will need help as well during her addressing her addiction. He’ll need help with forgiveness. Each affair leaves scars behind. Each will need addressing.
This is not something you can blithely pass off as ‘forgive and forget’ material. Some serious forgiveness work is needed. The problem is that not many people understand or even know where to begin with that kind of forgiveness.
In my video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”, I guide you in doing serious forgiveness work. There are some hurts and scars needing revisiting in order to heal. This is one of them.
If your marriage needs this kind of work, the material and help are here. Click and download today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
