When I provided in-hospital mental health services, one of the more challenging issues we dealt with was dual-diagnosis situations. Likewise, when dealing with affairs, knowing how to deal with multiple-problem situations remain a tough challenge.
If you are stuck stuck and it seems that nothing you do is having any impact, it could be that you are dealing with a multiple-problem scenario. It could be that what you are doing is fixing a problem, yet the problem it is fixing is the wrong one. When you are stuck in this situation, it brings with it frustration. You may feel that you are hitting your head against the wall in terms of making forward progress. Since problems are often inter-linked, making changes in one area often means that symptoms shift around to where one set of symptoms quickly replaces the symptoms you were trying to ‘fix’ or deal with.
What this means is that before assuming that the affair is THE problem to fix, look at the whole situation. Issues like substance abuse, gambling problems, mood disorders, attention disorders, chemical imbalances, long history of familial abuse can each complicate your dealing with the affair. In these cases, the affair may be the least of your problems. Knowing what you are dealing with can take a lot of stress off.
If your spouse is bipolar, the affair may be more about them being off their medication than about them rejecting you and not loving you anymore.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
Agreed. Infidelity is frequently a symptom.
Rollercoasterider,
When the symptom is viewed as THE problem, then the issue is misdiagnosed.