On reading a post from a husband who was blind-sided by his wife, I had to sit and gather my wits. He dearly loved her and has been devastated by her wanting her affair more than her family.
When your wife wants her affair more than your family, priorities are definitely out of balance. This also applies to husbands wanting their affair more than their family as well.
This one felt different. His letter left me feeling like the wind was knocked out of me. In his situation, he claims he gave her daily affection, provided for her needs, told her that he loved her and did what he knew to do in making her feel loved.
He said they had the kind of a marriage that other couples were jealous of. Each of them thought that they would continue their marriage through old age.
One day she made an odd request for them to have an ‘open’ marriage. This odd request was the first sign that things weren’t going as well as he thought.
My experience is that those requests come prior to a break-up or ultimatum to sleep around. Such requests are never innocent.
Fortunately, he had enough of his wits about himself to see the danger of an open marriage. He viewed it as a violation of their marriage vows and end of their monogamous relationship.
It was only a few weeks later that she left him to continue her affair and search things out. She made it clear that her desire for searching it out was greater than her family and marriage.
He described the situation as being ‘blindsided’. His wife left him and he’s finding it hard to eat, sleep and function in general. He also wonders if he was an idiot in not seeing this coming.
When one spouse starts talking about adding someone else to your marriage or open marriage, it’s a warning sign. Although some couples rush into those situations thinking it will make things exciting and liven things up, it does that with a huge price tag.
Once you violate the boundaries of your marriage, things change. Open marriages and the request for them are a warning sign. They alert you to potential dangers, if you’re paying attention.
I don’t see him as an ‘idiot’. He believed his wife in terms of the strength and status of their marriage. He trusted her. He wanted to see the best in her.
I’m not sure why she left, neither is he. What I do know for sure is that he’s devastated. The episode has left him wounded and broken.
The usual reason for sudden and radical changes are drug or addiction related. When drugs or sexual addictions are involved, changes are sudden and dramatic.
I know that sex isn’t going to fix him. Even in the event they reconcile, there will still be the wound of betrayed trust.
If you’re still burdened by a trust wound, you would benefit from the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” In the video, you’ll learn ways of rebuilding your ability to trust. Even though you may never trust your spouse again like you did, you still need to know how to build trust.
Trust can be rebuilt and when you have the right tools, it can be a solid kind of trust. A trust with a firm foundation.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
