A few moments ago I finished reading a rant from a betrayed wife about the audacity of pathological liars. She was stunned at the shamelessness shown by the boldfaced lies she was told. Her rant started me thinking about dealing with pathological liars.
Lying, like many habits, expands each day it remains unquestioned. They tell more lies and bigger lies. Their lies become a shield protecting them from being caught in offending behavior. A pathological liar may lie simply to fill the silence, because they think it is expected of them, or even to gain attention.
They start with ‘little white lies’ which remain lies, but in telling themselves that either no one was hurt or that they had good intentions, they excused it. Although they excused the lie, those little white lies open the door to more lies.
One of the problems is that some liars believe what they are telling you. They come across as sincere. They view the world in terms of what you’ve been told versus what you weren’t told. This is very different than looking at the world in terms of what happened or didn’t happen.
You could talk to a therapist about it, yet in many cases, they consider whether the liar is consistent in their story or not. Being consistent is viewed as being ‘truthful’, even if they are telling you a bald-face lie. In their eyes, they are being genuine and authentic. They believe what they are telling you, even though it is not the truth.
On top of that, liars don’t like when you tell them the truth. It’s as if they would prefer that you lie to them the way they lie to you.
Years ago, I wrote a paper on “Is it lying or denial?” where I pointed how to tell which you’re dealing with. In the case of pathological lying, the habit has become dysfunctional for them.
They are continuing persisting in lying, even when there is no benefit or payoff for them doing so. At that point, the lying has grown so large, it’s taken over their lives.
What I can tell you is that being open and honest in your marriage is preferred to believing lies. The lies can get so strong it engulfs both of you.
There’s also a lack of role models in the media who don’t lie. They may be believable, but that doesn’t make them honest.
In recovering from the affair, it’s essential that the two of you are honest with each other. Honesty is one of the building blocks for trust.
Without honesty, there is little to no trust. You can choose to trust them, but that kind of trust lack a solid foundation. When there’s honesty, you have a key part of a healthy foundation for your marriage.
In my video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, I share with you ways of rebuilding trust in your marriage. You can move past the hiding and lying.
When you have honesty, you may not like what is said, but you can certainly believe it.
Order your copy of the video today and you can be working on improving your marriage relationship rather than believing a lie.
Just click and download.,
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
