In my posts from several years ago, I addressed the topic of affair ghosts and the items associated with them. I used the term ghost since those items have a way of haunting those involved.
When the affair is over, it’s important that the objects associated with the affair be removed or at least changed. For some of you, this means new beds, furniture and make-overs.
This is part of affair recovery as well. Those old connections and associations need changing. It’s not accidental that many old love songs mention photographs and memories. It’s because they’re haunting.
In extreme cases, removing the ghosts may mean moving to a new house or city. It may also mean selling the house and all of the furniture.
It’s hard to let go of these things, but it’s important. They represent the old life and the relationships that happened.
One of the changes often overlooked are photos and contact lists. Those need purging as well.
All it takes is a few moments with a photo to activate their brain and associations with the lover. If there are still photos on their phone, there are still threats to your marriage.
Images trigger parts of their brain and emotions associated with the affair. All it takes is the right trigger and the cheater can return to their affair brain.
The cheater may claim that “they mean nothing“. Their own actions indicate otherwise. If they meant nothing, they wouldn’t have been keeping them around. If they truly meant nothing, then you have to consider that their angry reaction was over “nothing”.
This is one of the reasons why it’s so important to consider what the cheater does rather than only listening to what they’re telling you. You need to see changes in both their thinking and their behavior.
Keeping old photos around show that they are keeping a door open. Images turn into powerful triggers that spark fantasies. The fantasies about the affair need removal as well.
A fantasy means that mentally the affair is still alive and well. Since fantasies need a starting point, removing photos reduces the risk of them occurring.
Removing the photos is in the best interest of both you and your spouse.
This means you’ll need to check the photos on their phone, in both the public and private folders. This will require the cheater give you their pass code or password in order to access their phone.
If they are hesitant to allow you into their phone, there’s a reason. In terms of affair recovery, giving you access is a show of trust toward you.
In the video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse”, I share with you the dangers of triggers along with high risk situations. Ending the affair and re-establishing intimacy leaves your affair recovery only partially done. Removing the danger is affair relapse is what your recovery needs to finish the recovery process.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
