A reader posed the question “How Long Does the Affair Fog Last?” (For those of you who are unfamiliar with the ‘Affair Fog’, I cover it in detail in ‘Why He Cheats’ ).
I wish I could give you a definitive answer to this question. The reason an ending time is not possible is due to the nature of the ‘Affair Fog’. Each time the cheater activates it, the countdown clock starts over.
The cheater doesn’t have to make contact with the lover. Just fantasizing about the affair can trigger it again and set off the timer, eventually ending in feelings of total detachment from life that sometimes leads to substance abuse, suicidal thoughts or affair relapse if not checked by professional help.
The countdown clock starts over each time an activation happens because this kind of betrayal is different than any other- once activated, there’s no turning back until it finally blows up into something serious problems that are overlooked due to its hidden nature; being “spaced out” or faraway for long periods at a given moment while performing mundane tasks such as cooking dinner are telltale signs
The altered state of mind that they are in can be switched on as often as the cheater wishes. If the cheater wishes to avoid pain, responsibility or is just bored, they just start fantasizing and viola! They start up the affair fog again.
Once there, they may be in the state for anywhere from a few hours to a few days or weeks, until the affair fog is turned on again.
There is also a brain chemical component with the affair fog. The cheater experiences extreme changes in their thinking and perception. These brain chemicals can alter them for a long time; the length of recovery depends on which chemical is reactivated or activated again.
At minimum, six weeks after an affair occurs someone might start to feel more clear-headed but it takes at least six months before any big improvement becomes noticeable if the person doesn’t keep having affairs anymore.
The recovery is gradual, much like a literal fog lifting. There will be improved clarity in a few areas, which spreads when the cheater stays away from the affair.
If you want more details order the book “Why He Cheats” today.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
My husband of 25 years is having an affair and I know that he is drinking a lot more. I’m scared and wished he would talk to me. I know that is in an Affair fog because of how he treats me our daughter and his family
Diane,
Thank you for writing. Drinking combined with the affair fog makes for a bad combination. The drinking makes the affair fog worse. Not knowing what your spouse is thinking can be a fearful thing, especially when there’s an affair going on as well.
Consider joining the membership site at Restored Lifestyle for direction and intensive help.
Keeping it real,
Jeff