The next stage in cleaning your head after forgiveness involves re-labeling. It is important that you forgive
BEFORE starting re-labeling. Engaging in re-labeling prior to forgiving will lead to confusion and make cleaning out your head more difficult.
Re-labeling involves taking the incidents surrounding the affair and changing the meaning you associate with them. Some aspects you can change. If you can change them, such as changing your surroundings, etc. do it. For those that can not be changed, the answer is re-labeling.
In re-labeling, you will first identify the incidents needing re-labeling. Once you have the list, you can begin the process.
Take each incident and explore other ‘possible’ meanings. Rather than taking each incident as a personal attack, which will leave you feeling defensive, start looking at the possibility that there may be another meaning or even several meanings.
In order to ‘re-label’, it will take mental flexibility. It is challenging for many people to even consider the possibility that the event has other meanings than what they have already come up with.
When you start the process, your thinking will become more ‘fluid’ regarding the affair. Re-labeling does not change what happened, it changes the meanings you associate with those events.
If you are like most people, you will need to write down the incident, along with its meaning. You will need to brainstorm other possible meanings and write them down as well. Then, you can put on “X” on the old meaning and allow your mind to see the possibility of other meanings.
Once your mind sees the new meaning in black and white, it helps make the ‘new’ mental connection. After a cognitive link between the event and meaning is made, then you can start making new emotional changes.
The emotional changes follow changes in thinking. When you change your thinking, your emotions will change as well. At first the change will seem artificial. Over time, the new meaning will become more natural.
When you’re ready to forgive, the video on forgiveness guides you through when, who and how to forgive.
Best Regards,
Jeff
