Building a house from the ground up has many challenges and headaches. Yes, you get the house you want, but along the way, are multitudes of decisions you make. You make decisions on fixtures, faucets door knobs and so much more. There are choices about the home and about the contractors.
One day, when my wife and I were building a home in the tiny coastal community of Shoreacres, I pulled the builder aside and asked him a personal question.
“How do you know which contractors you can trust?”
I wanted to know how he went about knowing who is trustworthy and who isn’t. With any construction project there are plenty of contractors wanting the job. With all the choices, how do you decide? Do you make choices on convenience? On reputation? on trust? or some combination of everything?
For me, trust was important. It’s not just trusting someone to do the job, but also trusting them to show up on time, do the job right, be safe and not steal from the job site.
When you don’t know all your contractors, you have to have some formula or way of deciding who to trust, which is why I asked him how he determines who is trustworthy.
There comes a time when you’ll wonder if you can trust the cheater or not. When that time comes, do you know ‘how’ to determine if they are trustworthy? It’s going to take more than just looking at your spouse through a new pair of glasses.
It’s going to take knowledge, understanding and a commitment to making sure that you are getting the best possible outcome for your project. The builder’s answer was simple. He said, “You have to get references from other people who have worked with them in the past.”
He explained that you should never just hire someone without first checking them out. In other words, test before you trust.
Determining whether or not your spouse is trustworthy is a difficult task. You may be tempted to take the easy way out and just assume they are not trustworthy, but what if you’re wrong? Are you willing to live with that regret for the rest of your life? If you want to determine how trustworthy someone truly is, then it’s going to take more than looking at them through a new pair of glasses. In this blog post, we will discuss ways in which you can tell if someone is being honest with you.
You need a way of determining if they are trustworthy and when you can start trusting them again.
-Ask Questions: When your spouse comes home from work, instead of asking them how their day went or about the kids, ask a relevant question. “Did you have any problems at work today?” Be specific and don’t let up until they answer truthfully.
-Monitor Phone Calls/Text Messages: It’s important to know who. Although you may see this as a violation of trust, it actually gives you a way of testing whether they are trustworthy.
-Check Their Email: If you don’t have access to their email, use a software that can help monitor what they are doing online. Ask them for passwords if you believe it will get the truth out of your spouse.
After cheating, they need to be an open book. Reluctance to give you their passwords gives them rood to hide what they are doing.
-Check Their Phone: Use the iphone app called ‘Find my friends’ to help you track their location.
-Observe Behavior: When someone is caught cheating, they usually start acting differently around you and others. They act differently in public and in the bedroom. What they do is more important than what they tell you.
When it comes time for determining trust, you need a solid formula rather than some warm fuzzy feelings or good vibes. If we had built a house using fuzzy feelings, good intentions or new glasses, everyone may have had a good time, but we’d have a lousy house.
I wanted a good house rather than a good time. I am one who wants a solid basis for determining trust.
This is why I put together the best formula for determining who you can trust and also when you can trust them. Rather than basing it on fuzzy feelings or good intentions, it’s based on solid concrete steps. If they are there, you can trust them, if not, you can’t. It’s that simple.
You can also know what’s missing with the trust in your marriage.
In the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?”, I lay out my Trust Formula, so that you can know who you can trust, be it your spouse or others. The principles laid out can be used in knowing who you can trust in your life after the shock of an affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
