In a conversation with a colleague, John Bradshaw’s name came up. I recalled when I was attending his last public presentation. John looked physically frail and was wheelchair bound. It did not dampen his enthusiasm or spirit.
He talked of about his upcoming joint project on sex addictions with Patrick Carnes. They were putting their skills together in tackling this issue. John Bradshaw is also known as “The man who made Oprah cry like a baby” along with being an addiction expert.
This counselor from Houston brought the real-life lessons he learned in dealing with addiction and shame to the world, including Oprah.
Although he worked with relationships and addictions for decades, he still appreciated people and assisting others. He’s best recognized for bringing awareness to the ‘inner child’ topic, which prompted Oprah to shed tears. I believe his greatest asset was in recovery and relapse prevention.
He connected with people in ways that set him apart from other mental health “professionals.” This is most likely why Oprah had him come to her home for some personal coaching.
Since I lived in the Houston area, I saw him in action many times. I had connections with the Palmer Drug Abuse programs and saw his recovery work in action.
According to John Bradshaw, one of his secrets for successful rehabilitation and relapse was repeating the statement “I need help” about 30 times. To become fixed in your mind, the phrase must be repeated many times.
There’s several reasons why this secret works. What matters most is that it works.
Consider the impact this might have on your cheater. It begins to sink in as soon as the cheater says “I need assistance.” It’s simple to say it once or twice. With many repeats, reality sinks in. They begin to acknowledge that they require aid.
The ‘once and done’ mentality is your enemy when it comes to admitting help is needed. The cheater needs the humility that comes with multiple admissions that help is needed. Repeating the “I need help” phrase over and over is a good place to start.
Bradshaw understood the workings of unsound minds. The repetition, humility, and confession are required by unhealthy minds. When you go through an affair relapse, this sort of therapy is very helpful. Anything less doesn’t sink in.
This is just one help for overcoming affair relapse. In the video, “Preventing Affair Relapse” you’ll learn more about what you need in order to keep it from happening again.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
