Today I’ll be talking to you about the topic of ‘when.’ This is a question that occasionally comes up in affair recovery even though it should occur more often.
The specific question of ‘when’ I want to address is “When do sex addicts come into counseling?” This is important if you are married to one.
Some of you may know your spouse is a sex addict, yet are willing to put up with it. You may hold to the idea that dealing with the devil you know is preferred to dealing with the unknown.
You can also drag a sex addict into counseling, yet better results happen when they come into counseling willingly.
The sex addict comes into counseling only after there has been a trauma. It takes a major shake up to bring them in. They need something big in order to wake them up to how they have a problem that needs addressing now.
I know from working with alcoholics that they never discover the truth about their blackouts until a major event happens as well. It usually took a wreck, a video or someone finally telling them what they did before they realized “Hey! I’ve got a problem!”
The same phenomena happens with sex addicts. It’s only when something big happens that they wake up to what’s been happening with them.
This is why ignoring the problem or handling them with kid gloves gets you nowhere. If you take the pressure off of them, they’ll keep doing what they were doing.
This is where pain is your friend. It’s only when the sex addict is facing the pain of a trauma that they are willing to make any changes.
The big problem with pains and trauma is that they also hurt you as well. At those times both of you are hurting.
At such times, it helps having a support group. One group that can help is the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There, you’ll find others going through similar issues along with other helps designed for moving you through affair recovery.
When you can share your struggles with others who are facing similar ones, you feel less isolated and alone.
Best Regards,
Jeff
