One of the questions posed 28 years ago in the movie “Pretty Woman” was “What’s your dream?” One of the characters poses this question to the viewers in the opening and then again in the closing.
Although the movie is old, the question remains. You have dreams. Dreams about your life, your marriage and your future.
It’s much easier addressing the question about dreams than the tougher question that’s keeping you from your dreams. That question is “What are you avoiding in your marriage?”
I see this is MORE important that the dream question. Since most affairs involve one or both spouses avoiding something, this is pertinent to your situation.
Affairs involve avoidance. The cheater chooses going into the affair rather than face what they’ve been avoiding.
There’s many reasons for avoidance and many things to avoid. In most cases, the big thing avoided is intimacy.
Affairs are just another way of avoiding intimacy. Frequent arguments, avoiding conflicts, working late, using anger to control are other effective ways of avoiding intimacy as well.
When you’ve been touched by an affair, you know something is wrong, yet there are times you may not be fully sure what it is or that you’re missing something. That something could very well be intimacy.
These days many spouses grew up in homes filled with conflicts and problems. They never learned healthy ways of developing intimacy.
Developing intimacy is MORE than just sex. If either one of you has been avoiding intimacy, it may be time for action. Removing the affair isn’t going to instantly restore intimacy.
If you’re looking for a place where you can ask your questions about intimacy and learn ways of building it, then consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find other spouses who are working their way through affair issues as well, along with access to the videos and material you need for recovery.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
