Last week I attended the Texas Association of Marriage and Family Therapist annual convention in Austin. Like most meetings of this type, there were multiple speakers presenting their latest findings on family related topics, ranging from conflict-management and autism through sexual intimacy. Over the years, I’ve discovered that some of the most intriguing conversations happen after the presentations.
Sandwiched between the questions discussed in quiet conversation after the presentation is a place where you find gold nuggets. It’s at that time where the minds of family experts exchange intriguing ideas. It’s when you and the presenter whisper and share what you really think and wonder about.
I talked with the presenter Michael Yapko, who is an expert on hypnosis about the power of suggestion in affairs during one of those quiet conversations following his keynote. He listened to my concerns, and expressed some differences about suggestion and affairs.
Although we disagree about what to call the ‘power of suggestion’, we agreed that suggestion is a POWERFUL force when it comes to affairs. When in the midst of an affair, the cheater is so caught up in the situation they become more vulnerable to suggestion, especially from their AP.
He knows something about the power of suggestion after daring to openly discuss the topic of repressed memories several years ago and having written 26 books.
My experiences taught me that when cheaters are in the ‘affair fog’, they succumb to the suggestions of the lover, no matter how outrageous. The cheater allows themselves be talked into anything.
The cheater is in a delusional state and easily believes the AP’s suggestions that they are ‘the only one’ or ‘one of a kind’. The cheating partner begins to believe their own lies that this relationship is not harmful, when it truly IS.
In some cases, the ‘anything’ includes sexual activities. They can also be talked into lavish spending and impulsive risk-taking. This can lead to co-signing loans for the AP, or even supporting them or their children financially.
The power of suggestion is a powerful force in affairs, whether they are affairs of the heart, mind or body.
When in the the state I call the ‘Affair Fog’, they wander directionless, listening only to the lover, like the sirens song. When in the fog, the cheater is willing to do things they wouldn’t normally do.
The state of affairs can be likened to a hypnotic trance-like sedation. The cheater has been hypnotized, and will do whatever they are told to do.
They come in contact with someone who is extremely attractive, and they tell themselves that the AP is really attracted to them – even if it’s not true. They allow themselves to believe any lie that has some plausibility just because it was suggested.
The power of suggestion changes the rules. A normally responsible spouse flips a switch, turning into an irresponsible, immature and self-serving stranger. This sudden change, leaves you wondering, “What happened?”
Yapko and his hypnosis takes people to places where they feel relaxed and comfortable. When it comes to the affair fog, the cheater goes to places where they feel no guilt or remorse or responsibility. They are as Pink Floyd puts it “comfortably numb”. They’re in pain-free ‘La-La Land’ which they don’t want to leave.
The ‘affair fog’ makes meaningful connection challenging if not impossible. You need your spouse. When they are ‘in the fog’, they are not available for you. When not available, they are not being responsible, or able to solve problems or even hear you out.
Choosing to put up with the affair fog, only allows it to continue. If you want to move forward with recovery, you’ll have to move past the fog.
The Why He Cheats e-book is a guide to understanding the various motives for affairs, along with explaining the role of fantasy and the affair fog. If you wonder why your spouse is different and does what they didn’t do for you, this will help you understand that radical transformation.
You deserve answers about what’s going on in their head so that you can make better decisions about how to move forward as a couple or if it’s time to call it quits. This book will give them to you without judgement or bias so that you can decide what’s best for your life moving forward.
Action: Click here now to purchase this ebook!
Best Regards,
Jeff
