Have you ever gone in search of a good lawyer? The old joke is that the best place to look for a ‘good’ lawyer is in the cemetery. I haven’t tried searching in the cemetery for one, although I admit it’s hard finding lawyers who are also good. I have found a few, yet I keep their identities secret, in order to avoid corrupting influences.
Ironically, I have gone walking through cemeteries with two of the best lawyers I know.
In giving them the benefit of doubt, (which they don’t always give others) it’s possible that the search is made difficult by the dark motives people have in hiring lawyers. Lawyers are often at the forefront of carrying out evil plans. If you can imagine an evil plan, there’s a lawyer that will likely do it if the price is right. For the most part, they amount to hired guns that aim for the target of your choice.
I avoid them when I can, using them only when I need defending from another lawyer or navigating legalese of contracts. The only time I used one for a pre-emptive strike ended up biting me in the butt. When it was all over, he ended up getting thrown off the case.
I suppose that in all the nightly plans made by ‘Pinky and the Brain’ at taking over the world, the most successful one likely involved a lawyer or two. Their plans likely ended as badly as my experience.
Lawyers can ruin your marriage for life. They not only ruin relationships, they do it in the name of ‘protecting your rights’ or ‘protecting your spouse’s rights’. While under the banner of doing things in ‘your best interest’, they often end up alienating spouses.
You may walk away with a smug self-assurance you were protecting yourself, while your spouse resents the lows you went to.
Lawyers use threats, intimidation and force in getting their way. An affair situation put in the hands of a lawyer is a sure way of making things worse. If you ever asked, “What’s the worst that can happen?” The answer may vary, but the really bad answers involve lawyers.
When a cheater starts talking to lawyers, you know it’s the start of something bad. Lawyers find ways of making the most evil or selfish plans happen. If you tell them, “find a way to end my marriage” or “find a way to hurt my spouse”, they will do it with glee and charge you for it.
You may even find yourself living in a perpetual state of anxiety wondering when you’ll receive either a letter from some lawyer’s office or legal papers from a process server. Lawyers strike without warning. Their sudden serpentine attacks makes working through your differences harder that it has to be. Yes, using a lawyer puts pressure on the cheater, but it also limits your options.
The added pressure may also end up pushing your spouse further away from you. When under pressure, especially legal pressure, they will behave differently than ‘normal’. This is part of what happens when you hire lawyers. You loose control of the outcome from all the pressure you apply.
You may have intended using the lawyer, just to wake them up or get them to talk to you. Even good intentions, once in the hands of lawyers become unrecognizable. Hiring lawyers are a way of declaring ‘war’, even when you excuse it as ‘just protecting yourself.
When your marriage needs better communication and improved intimacy, declaring war is not a good answer. Using a legal hammer to beat your spouse into submission is not a good solution. Someone under pressure from a lawyer often reacts in ways you never intended.
Instead of hiring someone to do your dirty work, get your copy of the video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting Questions and Healing Answers“. The differences the two of you have is better handled by talking than through threats.
When you need to talk, you need help drawing your spouse back to you, rather than having them running away for their safety.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
Ya know …. finding an honest man is a rare thing these days sadly where there is money to be made
Like that guy searching high and low with a lantern of old
I forget who that was
Those guys are so expensive
We spent an hour speaking with one to find out what the OW was entitled to and how to protect our family it ended up being 700.00 just for conversation!
Having to speak at that early time ..fresh revelation from D day I ended up crying ….which I seldom do and certainly not in an office of a new person
His having had two children with her really ended up causing so much emotional pain we never did anything with lawyers
We are still legally married
Getting a lawyer to “help” is only money down the drain
Better to stay married If you can and work out things
I’m no expert and maybe some feel I am being taken advantage of more but I actually don’t think there’s any financial point to divorce and I hope in reconciliation despite how difficult it maybe if he ever decides to come home and choose maturity
Time is going by
Zaza,
Thank you for sharing your experience. I had to read and re-read to make sure I saw the $700 an hour price tag. That is expensive. Several years ago, we used an attorney from a big downtown law firm in Houston and thought their fee of $350/hour was expensive. Getting a divorce or even protecting yourself from lawsuit addicts gets expensive. I suppose that’s what they are counting on.
It is definitely more cost-effective to work things out. There are also many more additional hidden blessings and benefits to doing so as well. I know that there are some situations where people can’t work things out, although I firmly believe there are more that don’t want to work things out rather than can’t. There are definitely some people that are hard being married to.