You may tell the cheater that you want them to be honest. A common problem is that in asking them to be honest, you may be one of those spouses who only want limited honesty. You want them to be honest about the events surrounding the affair, but not honest about what they feel, what they think and certainly not honest about yall’s marriage. In such cases, you are limiting their honesty. That will create a situation where they feel things are crazy. The cheater would be right in assuming that, since the rules are inconsistent. They have to be honest up to a point. Once they reach that point, they are expected to continue on with the agreed upon myths at work in your marriage. When you want them to ‘be honest’ then you need to sit back and listen to what they have to say…WITHOUT interrupting them. It takes time for people to be honest. If you are demanding honesty, you will need to give them the space to be honest and then LISTEN to them. If you try to correct them, it will send a message that you are really not wanting them to be honest. The message you send when you interrupt them is that you really only want limited honesty.
So the next time you say that you want ‘honesty’, you will need to follow that up with showing them you mean it by listening to them without correcting or interrupting them.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
