There are times when cutesy sayings bother me. Lately the saying, “Men have affairs and women have divorces” has troubled me. What troubles me about the saying is that there are many who take such sayings as true or use it to justify taking impulsive actions. There is even a local saying where I live of “Move to __________ and get a divorce”, due to the many couples who split up after moving to this area. When people are told such sayings enough, they sink into their thinking. When under stress, what comes out is the saying, like a programmed computer hot key and ‘viola!’ action is taken without thought, and without guilt. People often execute the directive embedded in such sayings like they are being programmed.
Those cutesy little sayings may be weakening your marriage and doing more damage than you realize. Like unwanted termites, they eat away at the strength of your relationship and at your ability to think through matters. When a crisis hits, you need the ability to think. Rather than spout off and act on cutesy little sayings, you need to seriously think through your actions.
In many cases, your first impulse may not be the best option for you.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
3 Responses
The shock of our lives came during what we now know was just after the first baby had been born to my husband and his OW …I cannot remember what brought this out of his mouth but it was a HUGE shock because he was never this callous overtly and in front of our children …” What have you done for me lately’!
Can you imagine…I had been moving every time he asked us to …taught our children …did all of whatever was needed around our home and for our family while he worked…and played after work….and spent time and lavished his OW with money I knew nothing about …kept the budget low because I did not realize what we actually HAD and felt being a good steward was right.
I stepped aside when he had to ‘go to the office’ …I went ahead with the family when we had a vacation which was a TON of work …did not give him grief when he left vacations a week early because he had so much ‘work ‘ at the office …the list goes on
And then he says ” What have you done for me lately”!
My kids still remember being shocked at this coming out of his mouth …as we had just moved from a nice larger home into a smaller house in poor condition for ‘economic reasons’ ….which it turns out he had just bought her a new car [for the baby seat to fit into because her other luxury care would not fit it. AND he bought her a new townhouse and paid for a landscape architect and landscaping …and I hate to tell you what the yard looked like in the home we were moved to …my kids called it a mud pit….
There were other offensive remarks that were ‘not like him’ but now I see they WERE
When this was brought up to him during our ‘discussions’ after D DAY since he did not seem to think he had been ‘so bad’ all those years….he said ‘ I was JUST KIDDING” !
I am here to testify he was NOT kidding ..He was hot about most likely stressed over being a new father while neglecting his family and trying to cover the bases ‘as usual’ so as not to arouse any suspicion
I spoke up at the time …but allowed he was just working ‘so hard’
NOW I realize what was really going on …it does not excuse it ..but it is one of the ways the contemporary disrespectful slang effects people …even executives ….
Song lyrics over and over with foul messages of license do not help either…
I warned him early in our marriage some of what I learned as I had spent years examining how lyrics effect morals…just as the Bible says ..’evil companions corrupt good morals’
Song lyrics are ‘companions’ that run a ‘tape ‘ in the mind…over and over…and bring forth bad ‘fruit’ of lax moral choices…
So ‘in ‘ it was killing his view of marriage …his wife ..and his family ,.just so he could ‘fit in ‘ with the rising young execs in business…..it is an ugly thing to watch and even worse to look back and see the steps away from his former ‘great guy’ that he was once working on through his fellowship with other believers to the degenerated form of a ‘great guy ‘ that is today …Sad …he now says he cannot change …it is ‘too late’
I say it is only too late to change when you are in the coffin….but …I think it is still just an excuse to not change…..People change when it is important TO THEM to do so ….
I am continuing to study and learn what I can about what GOD says about things…and then trying to apply …it is a full time job to live life as one is offered to by the Lord ..and it is worthy of the time and effort …even if it is done alone …or with opposition ….
Zaza,
Thank you for sharing your experiences with cutesy sayings. The “What have you done for me lately?” and using “just kidding” to manipulate the conversation and induce guilt are hard for many people to deal with. Such statements often make sense to the cheater as they manipulate and obfuscate the situation. The practice of playing head games and hiding behind smoke screens is often their most used social skills when faced with confrontation.
Thank you for your comment….my kids were between 9 ,13, 15 and they were shocked at this behavior since it was so out of character for my husband …they still remember it …it is telling how much the stress of keeping a double life messes with people’s ability to see themselves accurately in how they treat others….they THINK they are “ok’ and others responses to poor treatment could not possibly be them…since those on the outside either don’t know them well enough to notice or don’t care about these changes in relational and worldview alterations.