Stalking often occurs with affairs.
Affairs and Stalking <– listen to the audio here
Hi there. This is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio and I’m glad to be with you today. In terms of affair recovery today we’re going to be talking about stalking.
Stalking is another one of those topics that you often find entwined with affairs. The problem is that stalking happens with affairs. What people call it often depends on whether it’s the one doing it, or whether it’s being done to them.
If you’re checking up on your spouse you may refer to it as checking up on, and not call it spying. But if you’re the person who’s being checked up on it may feel like somebody’s being stalked, like you’re being spied on, like you have the CIA after you or some other triple digit agency. It turns into a cat and mouse game.
Stalking can either be done in person or it can be hired out. Some people may say well, I wasn’t stalking you. But they turned around and hired a private investigator, or they hired someone to check things out, or some sort of cyber sleuth checking things out online. There’s many types of stalking, and that’s why we’re going to go ahead and talk about the topic of recognizing stalking and start covering some of the basics.
The place to start is one, if it’s unwanted or unauthorized, it’s probably stalking. If you’re checking up on someone or someone’s checking up on you, without your being aware of it or without you giving permission, then all likelihood it is some type of stalking.
I have seen some spouses in the recovery your spouse may give you permission to check up on their cell phone. Or they may give you permission to check up on your Internet browsing habits. That’s something where you’ve given permission so that’s not stalking. What I’m talking about here is the unauthorized and unwanted following of a person, or their activities on the Internet, or their financial records. That’s stalking.
Number two, be alert to your surroundings. I say this because you need to pay attention to any unusual cars or people hanging around. These are things that can alert you that some type of stalking is going on. Many times people don’t realize that they are being stalked or that somebody is following them because they’re not paying attention to their surroundings.
It’s going to be important for you to pay attention to your surroundings. Because it’s not just whether or not you’re stalking your spouse, or your spouse is stalking you, it could be that the lover is stalking your spouse, or the lover is stalking you, or maybe even their family. Or maybe the wife of the lover or the husband of the lover is stalking you.
There’s numerous, and since there are numerous possibilities you need to be aware. And these are not just a matter of to pick up stalking. This is also for your own personal safety. In these days it pays to be aware of your surroundings. Prudence is good for your own safety. It’ll protect you from unwanted attacks. It’ll also protect you from unwanted stalking. And you need to be aware of it.
For that reason be aware of your surroundings. Don’t just go about like a robot not tuning in to what’s going on around you. When you go into restaurants, when you go into parking lots, pay attention to your surroundings. Too many times we get caught up with day to day life and we don’t pay attention to those things, and it makes us vulnerable in many many ways.
The third one, treat each new person you meet with caution. Much like when you’re a new driver you treat each intersection with caution. And likewise you need to treat each new person you meet with caution. Because once the foundation of trust has been damaged in a marriage and there are circumstances where stalking is going on, once this happens you never know what’s going to happen with the people you meet.
If somebody approaches you and they’re overly friendly, that should send off early warning lights. Something’s going on. Or if they’re being a little too inquisitive. Because it could be somebody stalking you, or it could be your spouse has hired a lawyer and the lawyer has hired someone to find out about you. This involves both setting you up, or finding out your vulnerabilities, or you doing that to your spouse. And those are all variations of stalking.
I’ll be talking about those in some of the later episodes. At this point it’s about recognizing stalking. If it’s unwanted and unauthorized it’s probably stalking.
You need to be alert to your surroundings. Any time when you go to stores, you’re out in public, be aware of what’s going on around you. Don’t get into that zombie like mode where you just do your day to day activities and don’t pay attention to what’s going on. You need to be aware of what’s going on around you.
When people come up and introduce themselves and you meet new folks, you need to be a little cautious. I’m not wanting you to be paranoid by any means, just approach it with caution. When somebody starts talking about topics that you think gee, that’s odd, why would they want to talk about that, or that’s none of their business, that should alert you. Especially if you’re going through affair recovery.
Because when an affair happens the dynamics of the relationship change. Items that would not ever be up for discussion before, because you trusted each other, are now all up for grabs. And one of these does involve the possibility of stalking. Whether or not you stalk your spouse, whether or not they’re stalking you. And I’ll get into more about that later.
But these are some ways that you can recognize stalking and I’ll talk about some of the other ways that you can start dealing with that in later sessions.
But until then, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio, helping you one step at a time, one day at a time. Thank you. Bye.
