When cheaters start talking to you about being ‘authentic’, you’ve got a major problem. Although being authentic sounds good and goes down smooth, it’s disastrous for your marriage.
When the cheater tells you “I’m being authentic“, it’s a red flag that they are playing you. The problem that comes when the cheater talks about authenticity is that they are no longer actually seeking the truth.
Being authentic allows their ‘truth’ to be on the same level as yours. They’re swapping out objective facts and morals for their version of ‘truth’.
At such moments their need for ‘love’ or connection is MORE important than their commitment to you and their marriage to you.
When being authentic enters your conversation, it shows that decisions are being based on feelings rather than reason or facts. In my mind, it’s a slick con-job. By using terms that sound positive, the rules for marriage and relationship are undermined.
When they claim that they’re just being ‘authentic’ they’re telling you that they don’t want to be held accountable for doing something wrong. They don’t see it as wrong and don’t even want to acknowledge their choices as being bad.
When they’re authentic, their feelings about straying are viewed as just as valid as your dislike of their infidelity. It amounts to a giant “so what” kind of response.
With the emphasis on being authentic promoted in popular culture and the business world, it’s only a matter of time before it creeps into your marriage. It’s a dangerous creeping thing.
Once it creeps into the mind of the cheater, they justify any wrong as them just being ‘real’ or ‘authentic’, even though they’re really wrong about things.
Another danger that comes with them being authentic is that it shifts the conversation to where the affair can’t be talked about in a civil or rational manner. It puts the two of you at an impasse that only concludes with some form of violence or force.
When they believe in their authenticity, they avoid all responsibility. They’re only interested in being true to themselves.
When you hear them talk about being authentic, it’s a red warning flag alerting you to them avoiding responsibility in some area of their life. The time for action in dealing with it is now.
The longer you wait in undoing the authenticity game, the slimier it becomes. Good and bad become blurred and confused when you wait too long.
This is the time to download the Affair Recovery Workshop in addressing the relationship damage in your relationship before it worsens. Start taking charge and change the direction your marriage is headed.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
