A reader wanted to know about going from infidelity to swinging. From an addiction perspective, both infidelity and swinging are part of the progression of sexual addiction.
Let me start by saying there are many types of sexual addicts. Some stay in their dark cave with their porn and others feed their addiction by going to greater sexual exploits.
Sexual addiction takes its victims deeper and deeper into the dark prison of passion. When the addictions take over, you are forced to give into them. You chase after experiences with greater intensity and risks. The thrill of the new and novel becomes more important than anything else. The world outside your addiction fades away and you only see what your addiction wants you to see.
When the addiction takes over, you want the intense experience and ignore the damage it does to your marriage and family. Although you chase after the thrills, eventually your conscience catches up to you. In order to appease its nagging disapproval, some sexual addicts turn to swinging. The structure of swinging with spouses giving permission for adultery gives a temporary appeasement to the guilt.
It’s not by accident that swinging involves heavy use of drugs or alcohol in order to dull your senses. It’s only after you’ve had plenty to drink or drug that you swing. Alcohol and drugs have a way of lowering inhibitions and making reluctant or less than enthusiastic spouses more pliable.
A bigger question concerns what happens after the swinging. When swinging is no longer intense or risky enough you seek a greater high. When you consider the next step, it may wake you up as to how far you’ve descended.
What started with some flirting and voyeurism has taken you a long way on this journey. What started with curiosity has taken over more of your life than you realize.
At this point, you can choose to stay on this journey or get off. It’s not an easy choice because the addiction has a strong hold on you. You’ve gone from fantasizing about sex to acting out those fantasies.
Rather than getting caught up in the continuing downward spiral that comes with swinging, now is a great time for taking steps out of that mess. In the video ‘Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers” you can start taking the first steps out of the mess.
You didn’t suddenly jump into the mess, and it’s going to take time in getting out of it. It’s not an inescapable situation. You can turn your marriage around.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
