A curious reader wrote in wanting to know “what the consequences of sharing your wife“. For someone to even consider such a question is filled with all kinds of wrong and twisted thinking.
One’s wife is not a possession to be shared. Treating a wife as if she’s a possession is filled with problems. I recognize that this way of thinking continues in some communities, so it is a very real possibility. Not only is it a possibility, in happens more times than I would like.
I’ve also worked with couples where a wife was shared as a form of payment for illicit dealings. Those situations didn’t turn out well. The wives were always the ones who suffered.
A wife is a human being, not a commodity. She deserves to be respected and treated as being valued and special. Sharing your wife diminishes her worth and value. It’s an act of selfishness and disrespect. If you are considering sharing your wife, I urge you to reconsider.
The first consequence is a weakening and cheapening of the bond between you and your spouse. The special relationship you had changes with sharing a wife. That bonding is on several levels.
The damage to the bonding starts immediately, although you may not feel its effects for a while. The damage is also something that can’t be undone.
When you share your wife, it sends a message that you view her as an object instead of a person. It tells her that she’s not special to you and that you’re willing to share her with others.
It says more about you than it does about her. Your character is revealed in how you treat your wife.
Secondly, sharing your wife also spreads insecurities. Your marriage loses any sense of security it once held. When relationships are insecure, fear drives an increasing amount of decisions.
Fear is a powerful emotion and interferes with their thinking and decision-making. Fear also makes them and yourself more vulnerable to being exploited. It puts you in a world filled with secrets and manipulation.
Thirdly, it damages their self-confidence. They may appear confident on the outside, yet on the inside, they are filled with doubts and insecurities.
It’s hard to trust and be confident when you know that your spouse is sharing you with others. Your self-confidence is key to having a healthy relationship.
Fourth, it creates an environment of jealousy and competition. When there’s more than one person vying for attention, it sets up a dynamic of comparison and competition.
A better question would have been whether the consequences of a wife being shared can be healed along with how to do that. There are consequences, and healing them is possible.
A good place to start is with the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. In it are methods and tools for moving past the trauma that comes with sharing your wife.
The images, sensations and self-inflicted damage can be overcome with effort. The video shows you what you can do to put those things behind you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
