Lies, Liars and damned lies

Lies are part of the lifeblood of affairs. At first the excitement of lust energizes the affair. Shortly after the lust, then the excitement of the ‘cover-up’, sneakiness and lies keep the adrenalin flowing and the relationship exciting. Although the cheater often dismisses their lies as ‘well-intentioned’, those who are on the receiving end look at them differently. The adulterer looks at their own intentions and motivations, while the spouse looks at the wrongness of the lie. The cheater may even use terms like “white lies” and “black lies” to distinguish between those told with good intentions and those told with intentions to deceive.

The cheater often displays the “deer in the headlight” look when they are called a “Liar!” by their spouse. They do not want to be exposed. They are blown away and can not understand how their spouse could feel that way. They see themselves as well-intentioned and giving of all that was expected of them. It is almost as if they expect that their past behaviors will make up for and cancel out the infidelity. While they are maintaining a emotional accounting sheet of their intentions and past good acts, the spurned spouse looks at the lies.

One of the big problems with lies and liars in general is that it is never clear how much they have lied. When you can not trust them in one area, the spurned spouse wonders if they can trust them in other areas. Lying often has a way of not staying within  the limits of a particular area. Lying, like other bad habits, often grows and increases over time. The liars often lie with greater frequency and the lies they tell have larger distortions or denials. The liars often say they have been “misunderstood” or “misrepresented”. They struggle with the idea of admitting that they lied.

When a lie is exceptionally large or the pattern of lies has occurred over a long period of time, the labels of ‘damned lies’ and ‘damned liar’ are used in referring to the prevaricating spouse. When the word ‘damned’ is added, in some cases, it wakes the spouse up to what is going on. Although some spouses wake up and change their ways, there are many who continue with their habit of lying. Since they ‘did not want to hurt anybody’ and ‘they want to avoid conflict/bickering’ they sincerely believe they have done no wrong. The damned liars have often lied so often and their lies have been so large, they are immune to any guilt or remorse over their actions.  They continue seeing their intention as ‘holy’ and honorable. Such people often feel incensed and insulted when they are called a ‘damned liar’. Rather than acknowledging the distortions that have occurred, they feel affronted that someone would besmirch their character (it is not really character, they are hurt that their motives were in question) and react accordingly.

Another angle on liars is the “bald faced lie” and the “bald faced liar”. These terms are often used when the lie being told was so blatant, that there was no mistaking it for anything else. When such lies are repeated over time, the person is known as a ‘bald faced liar’. Since there is little hair hiding facial aspects with a bald face, the bald face liar is someone who has nothing to hide behind with their lies.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah