Listeners and readers have been asking about the ‘affair fog.’ My ebook, Why He Cheats, goes into a deeper explanation of the Affair Fog.
Today, the concern is getting out of it and what you can do to speed it along. There are things you can do, yet before you do them, make sure that your spouse wants out of the affair. Intervening to get your spouse ‘out’ without their consent will limit what you can do.
Lifting the Affair Fog<<– listen to the audio here
I decided to go ahead and do this presentation because listeners and readers have been asking about the affair fog. They want to know how to get their spouse out of it. In my ebook, Why He Cheats, I go into a deeper explanation of the affair fog and how it works, but for today’s presentation I’m going to guide you through the whole question of how to get them out of the affair fog, and dealing with the whole lifting of the affair fog.
We’re going to be focused on getting them out of it and what you can do to speed it along. Because there are things that you can do, yet before you do them you want to make sure that your spouse wants out.
If the cheater is not wanting out of the affair fog, or wanting to stay in la-la land, it’s going to work against you. Before you start trying to drag them out you want to make sure that they want out. Intervening to get your spouse out, without their consent, will limit what you’re able to do.
The first thing you’re going to want to do, of course, is to get them to agree to coming out. Because there’s something about our free will that puts limitations on what you can do.
The solution, in terms of lifting the affair fog, is to activate them. I say that because passivity is your enemy.
Passive thinking and passive living threatens your marriage. When they want to stay in neutral and just let life float on past them and stay in their easy chair and not make any changes, that’s working against you. So you’re going to want to, instead of having them in this passive mindset, get them in an active mindset.
You’re going to need to activate them physically and so forth. And we’re going to go into that.
- Activate them spiritually. Get them involved. This may start with you praying for them to get out. You may have to ask them very spiritual type of questions to get their curiosity turned on, get their mind turned on. Because one of the things about the affair fog, it does want to get people into a passive mindset.
I say activate them spiritually because intervention is needed on every level. To get them out of the affair fog you’re going to have to engage them spiritually, engage them physically, and engage them emotionally. All aspects of their being are going to have to be engaged to be able to pull them out.
Because like when a person is stuck in a quagmire of quicksand they’ve got to pull with everything that they’ve got in order to be able to get them out. And likewise, getting them out of the affair fog is going to take engagement on all these levels.
2. Get them active mentally. Engage them in problem solving. Engage them in conversation. The use of open-ended questions are very helpful in this area. Too many times you may be asking them questions that they can answer with simple answers, or yes and no. All that does is allow them to stay in the affair fog, stay in that passive mindset.
You want to ask them questions that will engage them. Get them to have to give you an answer that’s more than just a yes or no. Because as long as they can answer yes and no, they can stay passive. That is part of your enemy. Because that passivity allows that affair fog to just kind of hang in there and stay.
3. Get them active physically. This will include getting them to exercise, getting them out in fresh air, going for walks. These are all important. Because when your body is moving, and when you get the cheater’s body moving, it helps them move their mind and move their heart.
It’s almost like you’re getting all the bodily fluids and muscles and everything in motion, and once that happens that will work for you in terms of getting them out of that passive mindset that works against you with the affair fog.
You’re going to active them. Activate them on a spiritual level, activate them on a mental level, and activate them on a physical level. You want to get all of those systems turned on before you pull them out of the affair fog.
You’re also going to need patience. Because this is not something that you’re going to be able to pull them out of the fog within minutes of doing these things. It’s going to take some time. There’s a term in psychology called resistance. There will be some resistance and you’re going to have to be aware that that will be fighting against you.
This is why you want to get them, in terms of their consent, to have their consent to get them out. Because if they’re wanting to get out and you’re engaging them in all these levels it will move the affair fog faster and get you out of it.
That will help you with the lifting of the affair fog.
I appreciate you tuning in for the presentation today. I enjoyed being with you. If you have further questions I do attempt to get to each of the questions. I make it a point to getting to each question. So feel free to leave feedback here at the podcast site, or at my website at www.surviveyourpartnersaffair.com.
I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you very much. Goodbye.
Best Regards,
Jeff
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