Although couples ask the question “Is it over?” when the topic of affairs arises, the honest answer is never a pleasant one. When the question is first asked, there is some ambiguity as to whether they are referring to the affair or to their marriage itself. The ambiguity is a reflection of how there are many relationships in flux at that juncture. People are wondering “Is WHAT over?” The answer to that question is never easy. Not only is it not easy, it grows more difficult each passing day of an affair. The longer the affair goes on, the more difficult it is to end the status of that relationship.
Although people talk about relationships being ‘over’, the reality is that they never are. The relationships do not end. The nature of the relationship changes, with the parties in different roles. Although we want the relationship to end, what transpired between two people is not erased as though it did not happen. It changed their lives, it changed yours. The relationship is not ended. The affair may be ended or a marriage ended, but the parties will still have to interact with each other. The new role may be one of rigid boundaries, and defined space.
I recognize that many people may not like what I am saying, yet with the social networking available these days, it only takes a little work for people to connect and rekindle a relationship. It is as if they pick up where they left off. In today’s internet culture, it is important to maintain boundaries and change the nature of the relationships. It is also important to realize that the ‘over’ is only a temporary state. Changed roles, changed boundaries and changed nature of the relationship is achievable, over is no longer feasible.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
