A common phrase used to dismiss the concerns of children and others who express disapproval of affairs is “It’s between adults”. Yes the affair does occur between people who are physically adults. What is often not seen is how the affair will impact the children and those other people who make up the social world of the adulterer. They often see the blind spots that the adulterer does not see. They often see through the lover and the affair situation.
Although the phrase “It’s between adults” is used to dismiss concerns, this type of response is far from being mature. Mature persons consider the impact of their actions on others. Mature decisions take into consideration the various ripples produced by one’s actions. More often, the adulterer seeks the gratification of their urges over the needs of their family members, or the reputation of the family which often suffers when affair occur. They do not realize that their children will have to live under the shadow of the actions of their parents. Although phrases like “Son of a bitch!” or “Son of a whore!” are deemed offensive, they are true statements of what is occurring. It is not by chance that some of the most offensive name calling that occurs concerns the sexual proclivities of the parents. One reason they are so offensive is that the reality of the situation stings. No adulterer wants to face the cold hard truth concerning what transpired “between adults” for what it was and what their children will have to live with. The people around them see what is actually taking place. Before dismissing the concerns of family or friends when they express resistance to a relationship, try to look at it through their eyes. You may be very surprised at what you learn and see.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
