A harsh question that some of you have to consider is whether the cheater is ‘beyond redemption’. One thing that makes it such a challenging question is that one answer doesn’t fit all situations.
When it comes time for considering who is or is not ‘beyond redemption’ you’ll also have to consider how far you are willing to go. Can you love another person’s child? Can you accept them with STD’s? Can you live with their temper? Can you live with a sex addict?
In order to answer such questions, you’ll also consider how far your commitment to them should go. When you made your marriage vows, at what point do you say “I’ve had enough?”
Vows are made based on both parties committing to the arrangement. When the cheater fails in fulfilling their commitment to you and your marriage, you’ll have to consider if they have broken their commitment.
Another challenge some spouses faces is when drugs, accidents or health issues bring changes to your marriage. When your spouse’s capacities change, you have some tough questions to consider as well. You have to consider if they have the capabilities to function as your spouse.
When they are incapacitated, you still have to live. How are you going to deal with the inequality of your relationship? Does that inequality qualify as a reason to consider your marriage ‘beyond redemption?’
The line where you consider “I’ve had enough!” varies from couple to couple. Yours may be at a very different point than someone else’s. In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I talk about the need to be honest with yourself. This is one area where you have to be honest about where you draw your line.
You may want your pastor, counselor, or self-help expert to make that decision for you. They may have ideas about where their line is, but for your marriage, you have to make that choice yourself. They can’t make it for you. They also don’t have to live with the choices you make.
Best Regards,
Jeff
