Samantha turned to Judy and said “Didn’t you know, he’s keeping her up?” Samantha acted surprised that Judy didn’t realize that. Prior to that Judy raised questions about whether the young woman in her neighborhood was having an affair with Jim.
Judy wasn’t sure how she should handle the revelation. She knew affairs aren’t right. When she saw Jim’s care over at the neighbor woman’s for several nights, she knew something was going on.
Judy thought she made a discovery, so she went to Samantha seeking her advice. Samantha already knew about the affair. Judy thought she stumbled onto some big secret.
Samantha continued. “Jim’s been seeing that woman for a while. Just about everybody knows he’s been keeping her up.” Judy knew that Jim was a prominent man in the community. She assumed that him having a mistress was scandalous.
The story of Samantha and Judy is familiar in many small towns. Growing up in such a community, I found myself coming face-to-face with this strange double-standard.
It seems that when a man is having an affair with a woman whether or not it was considered scandalous was not based on whether the behavior was morally right or wrong. Instead, the morality of it was whether he was able to provide for her needs and ‘keep her up’.
When a man is financially or politically able to care for and take care of a mistress, somehow it made the affair ‘acceptable’ in the community. This weird double-standard often bothered me growing up, and still does.
These days, keeping someone up might better be called being paid off.
An affair is an affair, no matter how well the mistress is being ‘kept up’. Keeping up the mistress does not make the infidelity right. Keeping her up only reduces the rumors and scandalous reactions.
An old Chinese proverb states, “The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their true names. ” This is true concerning affairs and many other aspects of life.
If your life has been shaken up by an affair, and you wonder what to do and how to handle things, a great place to start is calling things by their true name. This means you call infidelity what it is, whether someone is kept up or slutting around.
Best Regards,
Jeff
3 Responses
It is stealing along with defiling the marriage…the family….the community…as it represents the “head” who ultimately was intended to be God …head of the man ..to ridicule and shame
It’s a bad place for those engaged in infidelity to be in….ultimately cost not just in monetary terms but far more serious ongoing damage…even into eternity
Zaza,
You are correct in identifying it as stealing. The theft involves time, money, affections and so much more. IN cases where the man is keeping someone up, it damages his reputation. His ‘buddies’ may think him a stud, but in terms of morals, he is looked down on as having unbridled passions and limited self-control.
The one man he regarded as his “best friend” did learn from the OW of their adulterous agreement and he asked my husband why he was doing it..as he also knew me and the faith I ascribed to
My husbands answer was “she makes me happy”
I used to wonder about the odd look that man had as I’d catch him looking at me as if he was wondering something
I didn’t understand what that was about and chalked it up to just me and my imagination…since there would be no reason I could think of….after d day I thought about this odd look and it seemed it may have been him wondering something like..”does she know what her husband is up to?” “Does she care since she is serious about Jesua Christ?”
“How can she not know about her husband’s behavior”
Since my husbands arrangement. Went on for such a long time I wonder if people actually thought I was agreeable to such a sinful and vile arrangement
My husband said people don’t care or think about such things and that there was always speculation about people in offices doing this ..even kidding about having an “office wife”
He’s wrong ..they do pay attention…and my being a vocal Christian brought even more shame upon the Lord and mockery upon me and even himself
The “best friend” later began to be doubtful of my husbands friendship and even accused him of stealing personal from his office
Adultery is not glamorous
It’s deeply hurtful and harmful to all ….even “casual observers”
I still find it difficult to get my head around how the OW s parents knew he was married with a family and still heartily approved of their adulterous arrangement and the children they had together!
He father was a banker!…..low level character is not a factor in just the low income areas of the culture…..the upper income and “society” is just filthy with this wicked stuff
If you don’t care to know of please God then the attraction to low life is no contest