The power of myths is part of what creates more damage with adultery than their needs to be. There are many myths about infidelity that only serve to confuse, blame and avoid the real issues. Some of the major myths that create problems are:
1. Everyone is Faithful. The truth is that some people are not faithful. With the greater temptations that modern society faces today, there is even greater pressure to be unfaithful.
2. People have affairs because they are unhappy with their marriage. Many adulterers are actually very happy with their marriages. The affair is more about poor self-control, poor judgement, addiction, or character problems than about unhappiness with their spouse.
3. Affairs are all about sex and sexiness. The public are often surprised to find out that it is most often not related to sex, but more so to loneliness, despair, the need for excitement or other issue rather than pure sex. The thing that excites most people about affairs is not the sex, but rather the secrets and secrecy.
4. Divorce in inevitable. Although 2/3 of marriages that have affairs end up with divorce, that is a number that is unnecessary. It is not inevitable that the relationship has to fall apart because of an affair.
5. “If I fall in love, I have to go with it.” This is just a matter of giving in to your urges. You can sy no to the affair. It will only have the power over you that you allow it to have.
6. Affairs are better kept secret. There is even great debate in the counseling community about the need for confidentiality and secrecy concerning affairs. Clients often use confidentiality to include the therapist in on their secret, when what is often needed is to address the issues out in the open with their spouse. The hiding only perpetuates more secrecy.
If you can counter and overcome these myths, you will increase the likelihood of surviving the affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
