One of the issues associated with affairs that is frequently searched for is that of the relationship between affairs and mental illness. Those desperately searching are looking for answers to their situation.
I understand the motivation behind these searches. You’re hurting and you want answers to a situation that doesn’t make sense to you.
As a betrayed spouse you want some explanation for the affair and don’t think your spouse would have had the affair if there wasn’t some kind of mental illness at work. I also know that some betrayers claim mental illness when questioned about their affair.
The mental illness excuse takes away any moral concerns or intentional actions. When you have the mental illness label, the affair becomes something that couldn’t be helped.
A recent example is a wife asking “can mental illness make a man cheat on his wife for payback?” The simple answer is “yes“. Many behaviors and actions, even payback affairs can be attributed to mental illness.
The mental illness may be temporary or long-standing. Some spouses ‘lose it’ on hearing of their partner’s affair and seeking having a revenge affair with the first person they meet. Any self-control goes out the window at those times.
Although the payback affair can occur due to mental illness, I don’t think it’s likely. Payback affairs by their very nature are driven by revenge. They require planning, problem solving and thinking things through.
If the husband planned out the payback affair, executed his plan and viewed it as a way of ‘evening up the score’ between he and his wife, the likelihood of mental illness is low.
Having a payback affair shows judgment, emotional restraint, thinking and competence. They could have even planned it before the wife’s affair and only waited until the right time to execute their plan.
Whatever the driving force behind the affair, when a payback affair happens, your marriage needs help. At that point both of you would benefit from the video on “Preventing Affair Relapse.”
Each of you made choices and now action is needed on reducing the risk of that happening again. Replays of what occurred only makes matters worse.
Instead of payback, take action and start repairing your marital relationship by reducing the risk of it happening again.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
