I make it a point of discussing most of the posts I write with my wife. Today, we discussed the connections between mental health and affairs.
It struck me that most of the posts where I addressed that connection, it was on the front end of the affair. The topic is brought up with the discovery of the affair when the betrayed tries identifying what to attribute the affair to.
When an affair happens, it leaves you wondering what caused it. As part of the questioning, the possibility of mental illness being behind the affair is brought up.
Let me start by separating out addictions from the mental health issues. Addictions require a different approach when they are connected with affairs.
Let me add that although some affairs have a mental health connection, my experience is that a majority don’t have that connection. In such cases, the betrayer is using the ‘mental health’ excuse for protective cover. They may have some mental health issues in association with the affair, although they didn’t cause the straying.
I’ve worked with clients where the affair was due to mental health concerns. The number of those clients is small. In those cases, the affairs were random and unplanned.
If you suspect this is your situation, seek the help of a mental health professional. When that happens, the affair was part of their acting out rather than something they planned way ahead of time.
One place where the whole mental health connection with affairs is minimized is when it comes time for working through and ending the affair. When an affair is attributed to mental illness, that illness still needs attention at these later stages of affair recovery.
Dealing with the mental illness, its triggers and manifestation is part of treatment. This means that if the affair is due to mental illness, you need to treat it.
In terms of the working through, this means following medication regimes, attending treatment, going to support groups and getting the necessary help. If the affair is due to a mental illness, then treatment works better when both of you are involved.
In terms of ending the affair, if its due to mental health issues, it can be ended quickly. In this case, the affair is making their mental health issues worse, so it needs ending for their own health.
It’s in their best interest to end the affair sooner than later. The affair itself in such cases, is making them sick.
Since the affair and the affair partner were caught up in an unhealthy mental health episode, the bonds will be un-emotional and meaningless. The betrayer was only acting out their illness.
There was no love, no passion, only mental issues being acted out. (e.g. They were just letting their crazy out).
The ending part of affair recovery also needs support groups for the particular disorder they’re struggling with. Such groups will help you and them handle their mental issues more effectively.
In the case of mental health issues, if the symptoms subside, you’ll want to monitor it closely for at least six months to make sure the condition is truly in remission. The monitoring includes making sure their treatment regime is followed closely.
If the affair is due to mental health issues, the affair is not about a rejection of you. Instead, it’s a manifestation of the illness.
If you need extra help with your situation, some appointment times have opened up in my schedule for consultations. If you’re interested, contact me via email at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for more information, times and details on how it works.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
