One of the issues that strikes a nerve within me is child abuse, especially childhood sexual abuse. There’s something about that issue that activates a strong reactions of disgust deep inside me.
The scars from that kind of abuse lasts long after the circumstances changed. I’ve encountered situations where fully functional adults are suddenly impaired by recall of a childhood incident of abuse.
In a matter of seconds change comes over them as they recall the abuse. They go from doing well to cowering in their bathrooms and episodes of uncontrolled crying. It’s an emotional volcano that suddenly erupts inside of them.
Seeing the sudden change in them astounds me. They literally crumple.
These kinds of episodes lie dormant inside the victims until something triggers them. This is where affairs come in.
Childhood sexual abuse leaves scars associated with betrayal. When an affair happens, you suddenly feel betrayed again.
This second betrayal shoots through you. When going through you, it activates your previous experience (s) of betrayal. Your mind knows betrayal and recalls when you’ve faced it before.
At such times, images and sensations from your past mix with the most recent betrayal. One blends into the other.
When this happens, you’re not going crazy, nor are you losing it. Your mind and emotions search desperately for ways of facing and dealing with betrayal.
Your mind lumps all betrayal into one package. It doesn’t separate out what’s going on now from what happened then. This is a natural reaction and method of coping with such an overwhelming experience.
I refer to this phenomena as the ‘Second Betrayal’. It may be the first affair you’ve faced, but it’s not the first encounter with betrayal or trauma.
A common reaction to the sudden shock of being betrayed is paralysis. It’s as if part of you freezes up without you intending it to. This paralysis can be physical, emotional or mental depending on how you typically cope with overwhelming situations.
You go from being fully functional to non-functional. You feel yourself melting inside and your confidence flow out of your body.
That paralysis and sudden loss of abilities can be overcome. You don’t have to stay stuck. With the techniques I share in the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, you can move past this.
In all likelihood, there are parts of the trauma experience that weren’t resolved from your childhood. Those can be helped with the techniques as well.
Within minutes of downloading the video, you’ll start understanding the situation that has you feeling out of control and finding ways of self-soothing your symptoms.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
