When faced with an affair, you encounter volumes of advice. Some you look for, some comes to you like honey attracts flies.
Some comes from family, some comes from yourself. So when you have all of this advice, how can you tell the good from the bad?
Separating Good and Bad Advice <<– listen to the audio here
Hi, this is Jeff Murrah with Survive Your Partners Affair. I’m glad that you tuned in today’s show. We’re going to be dealing with a timely topic, and that is separating good and bad advice.
As you well know, when you find yourself faced with an affair, you encounter volumes of advice. Some of it you went looking for, and some comes to you like honey attracts flies.
It may come from family, some from friends, some may even come from yourself. It’s almost like everywhere you look there’s somebody trying to tell you what you need to be doing or what you need to not be doing. It goes on and on. Lots of advice, covering lots of topics.
And it could be that you need it. In fact, …you do need it. But when all of these volumes of advice come at you, how can you tell the good from the bad? That’s the question we’re going to be dealing with today, and you’ll have an answer in just a few minutes.
My simple answer is “Healing, Source, and Improvement“. I’ll explain each of those.
- Ask yourself, “Will it bring healing?” That’s a good question. Good advice is not always pleasant to hear, or to follow, yet when you do follow it it brings healing. When advice does not lead to healing, chances are it’s not good.
That’s why I have the first question, “Will it bring healing?” If it brings healing, it’s good. If it doesn’t, it’s bad. That simple.
2. Consider the source. You’ll want to consider the source, where advice comes from. Friends who have strings of marriages and divorces may have lots to say, but you’re going to find it’s of little worth.
If they really knew what they were doing, would they have been in and out of marriage that much? Do they know what it takes to get through the tough times?
And keep in mind also that articles in magazines or websites that promote lasciviousness have agendas. Magazines like Cosmopolitan, Penthouse, Playboy, all sorts of stuff like that, they’ve got an agenda.
- Number one, their agenda is to sell magazine.
- Number two, they’re pushing a lifestyle, and that lifestyle, in most cases, is not conducive to your marriage working out. When you’ve got that kind of lifestyle, it’s not good advice.
So you need to consider the source of where the advice is coming from.
3. Ask yourself the question, “Will it make you a better person?” This is what I mean by ‘Improvement’. Doing what’s right will make you a better person.
Advice that has you compromising morals always makes things worse. It may get you out of the pain, but if you had to compromise your morals on the way, you’re not in any better shape. It may bring a temporary relief, but it does not bring any long-term solutions.
If it’s not making you a better person, then the opposite is true. It’s making you a worse person. So you want to consider that.
These guidelines of healing, consider the source, and improvement, will help you sort through a lot of the advice that you’ve been given. This way you can sort it into the good box and the bad box.
If it doesn’t do these things, doesn’t pass these three tests, it’s not good. But if it does pass these three tests, it’s something you want to consider.
These guidelines will help you get through some of those volumes of advice that you’re faced with. Because here at Affair Recovery Radio, I believe an affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage. You can get through this, and we’ll give you the tools that will get you through it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
