If you’re one of those spouses who dares ask questions or snoop, chances are that you’ve been asked “What’s wrong with you?” This question comes about when you see things they don’t want you to see.
In asking that question, they turn the tables on you. With that question, they make it look like you have a problem with trusting them, even though they have been exhibiting suspicious behaviors.
The question also start planting seeds of doubt inside yourself. You begin thinking the problem isn’t them, it’s me! Even though they’re the ones sneaking around and cheating.
Rather than examining what they’re doing that’s making you suspicious, they attack you for checking out their phone or computer for signs of infidelity. Attacking you and your actions removes accountability from them.
Instead of their suspicious behavior being questioned, you end up being questioned for daring to question or finding out why they’re so secretive. No longer is the argument over them being secretive, it’s now about you not trusting them.
Had they instead considered ways of calming your fears things would be going in a very different direction. They’re right when they complain about the lack of trust, although the distrust lies with them rather than yourself.
So when they ask you “What’s wrong with you?” as a way of confronting your snooping, the root issue is them not trusting you and being open with you.
Consider admitting that there is a trust problem. For whatever reason, there’s trouble with each of you trusting each other. Find out what’s behind that distrust and what it’s going to take in order to fix it.
The problem isn’t your snooping. The problem lies with them hiding their activities and what’s in their heart. Heart problems aren’t solved by limiting your access to it.
In my video, “How Can I Trust You Again?“, I share with you ways of building trust. When you don’t know what the building blocks of trust are, how are you going to rebuild it?
One things I can tell you is that trust doesn’t grow when the two of you keep secrets from each other.
Instead of heated arguments over trust, consider downloading the video and getting to work on rebuilding the trust in your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
