People often ask about how long the hurt will go on. This is a simple question that does not have such a simple answer. In one sense, the initial hurt will diminish within about six months of an affair ending. Like some hurts, there may be triggers and anniversary reactions, but the hurt will eventually fade. Like all relationships, there is pain associated with loss. An affair involves a great deal of loss. The reality is that everyone involved in the affair experiences loss of one type or another.
The more difficult challenge is dealing with the effects of the affair. In response to the question of how long do the effects last?, the answer is….a very long time. In many ways, the world continues dealing with the effects of the affair Abraham had with Hagar. If the effects of that affair are still with us, the possible effects of ours are long lasting. Given that an affair by nature is an act of infidelity and a sin, which can be forgiven, the effects do go on. Unfortunately this reality is often only realized after the affair. If potential adulterous persons considered the consequences before their actions, they would likely make different choices.
So the simple answer is that the hurt fades with time, but the effects go on for a long time. Some skeptics may think I am exaggerating this. When you take a look at genograms of families where affairs have occurred, you will begin to see the reality of this. Some people think that when their emotional hurt has faded that the effects of their actions have as well. The family members know better. The effects in terms of distrust, lies, cover-ups and moral compromising outlast the emotional hurts and the lives of the participants. Despite such consequences, affairs can be survived. Those involved can overcome what occurred and get on with their lives. Like anything else in life, it does take work and struggle. It does not come about without reaching out.
Best Wishes in Recovery,
Jeff Murrah
