The Christmas season is known for its themes of forgiveness, as seen in countless Hallmark Christmas movies. When surrounded by messages of forgiveness and sentimentality, we start to see forgiveness as a positive concept. It leaves you believing all you have to do is forgive some offense and all your relationships will change for the good.
But here’s the thing: forgiveness is not just good, it’s actually great. However, there’s a problem with all the forgiveness hype during this time of year, and that’s the motivation behind it.
When you’re constantly bombarded with messages about forgiveness, it can feel like peer pressure. In those moments, you might feel obligated to forgive out of guilt, rather than genuinely wanting to forgive. You may even be tempted to forgive because…”It’s Christmas”.
I’ve come across people who believe forgiveness is mandatory. While I understand where they’re coming from, I have some concerns about this approach. Obligatory forgiveness feels insincere and robotic. It becomes more about following a ritual, rather than truly forgiving.
There is a time and place for obligatory forgiveness, which I’ll address in a future email. But for now, let’s focus on the dangers of premature forgiveness.
When forgiveness is given prematurely, or driven by hallmark-like sentimentality it can hinder the healing process. You forgive without fully understanding the situation or knowing what you’re forgiving. It’s like someone giving you a jigsaw puzzle and asking for forgiveness, then leaving you with no clue what the finished puzzle should look like.
It’s crucial to have a clear understanding of what you’re forgiving. Forgiving before knowing the details can be premature. Forgiving out of guilt or peer pressure can also be premature. Your motivation for forgiveness matters, especially in the context of affairs.
Genuine forgiveness brings healing and lasting change, while premature forgiveness only offers temporary relief. If you want to truly transform and address the root of the issue, make sure your motivation for forgiveness comes from a genuine place.
If you want to learn more about forgiveness, I recommend watching the video “Forgiveness: Heal the Pain, Tear Down the Walls, and Remove the Obstacles.” In this video, I walk you through the forgiveness process step by step. Rather than relying on unrealistic portrayals in Hallmark movies, you’ll learn how to cultivate genuine forgiveness. Don’t settle for temporary relief when forgiveness is too important.
Remember, it’s crucial to know when to forgive and when not to. Understanding the difference between true repentance and someone simply going through the motions of asking for forgiveness can save you from costly mistakes in relationships.
Keep it real,
Jeff
