One of the phenomena that happens when I tell people my specialty of helping couples recover from affairs is that they have questions for me. A look suddenly comes over them and they start looking for answer to questions that have been rattling around in the back of their mind.
I understand how that happens. There are questions that rattle around in the back of my mind as well. One of those concerns “What is it about affairs that brings out suicidal and homicidal thoughts?” I’ve often said that affairs are a matter of life and death due to the seriousness of the topic.
It wasn’t until the results of the Affair Recovery Survey came in that there were actual numbers I could put with it. Prior to that, I had researched crime statistics, which showed a number of spousal killings, yet they don’t always tell you if it was affair related.
Affairs always bring out the worst in people and some of the most extreme moods, states and lies. The cheater may experience euphoria while you struggle with dark thoughts. There’s something about unleashing raw passions that trigger raw reactions as well. Affairs have likely brought out a side of you and emotions you don’t like as well. It’s definitely opening up a combined Pandora’s box and Whup-Ass at the same time. Few people tell you that the Pandora’s Box of adultery has sharp edges that cut you.
When roughly 20% of respondents of the survey reported suicidal thoughts and 10% reported homicidal thoughts surrounding the affair, it told me that “Affairs” really are “a matter of life and death”. The question that rattled me was ‘what makes them that way?’ along with ‘What can be done about that?’
At this point, my working hypothesis is that the deeper you touch someone’s life the higher the risk of stirring such deep passions. This also means that when it comes time for healing the marriage, you need ‘a deep overhaul’. Band-Aid solutions don’t work when your wounds are deep.
Those surface solutions of staying neutral and surrounding them with nice words only brings superficial help.
Common sense tells you that when your wound is deep or serious, that a band-aid no longer works. Deep wounds need stitches and they need them quickly. Those deep and serious wounds need deep and serious relationship solutions. Band Aids only pull together the skin in healing superficial or surface wounds.
This is why my video ” How to Rekindle Closeness and Bring Back Intimacy into your Marriage” guides you through what you need in addressing those deep wounds and relationship overhaul matters. You know that serious solutions are needed, but you may not be sure as to where to begin. This video goes through where to begin and what you need in such situations.
Best Regards,
Jeff
