Over the years of counseling, I’ve gained growing appreciation for the phrase ‘out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Although it’s meaning is clear to me, there are people who find the phrase puzzling.
In the counseling office, I’ve seen the phrase illustrated again and again. With subtle gestures, word choices and sentence construction, secrets come out.
Although the client worked on crafting what to say and how to say it so that they hide behind their secrets and deflection, their speaking betrays them. The truth slips out.
They know communication is critical both in hiding what they did along with their feelings about it. Communication is essential in both improving your marriage and hiding things.
On discovering the secrets of their heart, my next challenge is whether or not it’s the right time for letting them know that I’m in on what’s really going on. It’s awkward when I discover the affair while their spouse remains oblivious.
In some cases, they aren’t ready to hear that someone else knows what they’re hiding.
The vocabulary of cheaters and swingers gives them away. Although they master the use of double-meanings and special words, their secrets come out. What’s in their heart and their true feelings bubble up.
When you tune in and connect with your spouse, you can pick up on these things. In the case of cheaters, although they think they’re smart and have successfully hidden their dark deeds, you can shine the light of day on what they’ve done.
Besides using language with double-meanings, they also use hidden meanings of common phrases. On the surface, their conversation sounds safe even though what they mean is very different.
It’s not by accident that President Clinton was caught up in the statement “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”. The public heard one message, while his heart was saying something else.
In his mind, he was parsing his sentence and redefining words so as to hide what happened. This is part of the deception that goes on with cheaters. They eventually get to the point where they believe their own deceptive games.
One way of reducing this risk is by connecting with your spouse is a more meaningful way. In the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”, I share with you techniques for connecting with your spouse in a more meaningful way.
It would take me much longer to teach you about all the subtleties to listen for, but I can show you ways of having connection with your spouse that reduces the possibilities of them hiding things from you.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
