We all need affirmations. Cheaters make the mistake of looking for them with an affair.
There’s no problem with needing such affirmations. What matters is where you get those needs met. You running into the arms of another is a mistake.
It was also a mistake expecting your spouse to meet all your needs of affirmation as well. They may have let you down and disappointed you, so instead of dealing with the real issue, you make an even bigger mistake and expect another human being to meet all your affirmation needs as well.
They may have given you some moments of feeling good about yourself and feeling good about the future, but in all honesty, the affirmations, or AFFAIRMATIONS in this case, did not last.
They may have stroked your ego and distracted you from your pain, but you found yourself needing more, and then some more and then even more. There were never enough affiarmations.
There are never enough affairmations to meet your needs. There never will be. Even if you married your lover, they could not and will not meet all your needs.
Part of the reason for this is that you are looking to relationships to meet needs that are beyond their capability to meet. That’s why you continually need to be refueled with affairmations. You find that you need refueling more often than a formula one race car.
Seeking Affairmations is a no-win. Affairs were never designed to meet your needs. You are also dealing with humans. Humans will let you down.
They will fail you and disappoint you. They are less than perfect. Expecting them to affirm you, to meet your needs and never lie to you is …a fantasy.
Rather than seeking the affairmations, do the work to improve your marriage. Do the work to accept your own humanness. Do the work about dealing with affirmations and giving affirmations.
For more help on making your marriage stronger as you work through recovery, the download “Affair Recovery Workshop” is what you need. Inside, you’ll find ways of turning your relationship toward a healthy direction.
You’ll discover what needs to be done, how to do it and when to do it. You may have some vague ideas about what you want, but do you know how to make it happen? The workshop guides you through that challenge.
Best Regards,
Jeff
