When it comes to marriage relationships and affairs, when you tell your spouse to ‘do the right thing’, it may not be what you think it is. In previous generations, if you told your spouse to ‘do the right thing’, it would be to make the morally correct choice.
These days, the ‘right thing’ now means what’s ‘socially appropriate’. It’s now in vogue to be accepted by people more than staying true to your marriage vows and moral code.
When you tell your spouse “do the right thing” it may not mean what you think it does. Modern thinkers consider everyone else’s feelings and perspective. For them, doing the right thing means giving into your passions or considering the lover’s feelings rather than taking moral stands.
Taking stands often hurts people’s feelings, whether it’s setting boundaries or confronting.
If ‘doing the right thing’ in your mind means staying loyal to your marriage vows, being honest and showing responsibility, you need to make your message clear.
The feeling and perspective that should matter are now mixed in with others.
For this reason, if you’ve got a confused or conflicted spouse, you’ll have to tell them what the ‘right thing’ is.Don’t assume they know. These days, many spouses don’t know what is the right thing. They are torn between what is ‘socially right’ versus doing what’s ‘morally right’.
When conflicted, people need simple choices.
A conflicted cheater may be considering the lover and their family, influence from their ex or pressure from their family. When you bring in too many people or listen to the wrong people, relationships become a three-ring circus.
They may be doing the right thing, but doing right by the wrong person or priority.
If your marriage is going to survive the affair the priority is doing what’s right by you. What the ex, the lover, or the opinion of others outside of your marriage creates confusing noise and stress.
This means that your marriage is the priority, not the opinion of others. When the opinion of other’s matters more, your marriage will feel ‘out of control’.
Not only will things feel out of control, your voice is being either ignored or silenced.
The way of getting your marriage back to a workable place requires making yours the priority. If your spouse is a people pleaser, they’ll feel torn by the conflicting messages.
You can start shifting priorities by devoting the time and attention to the relationship that matters most. If your marriage only gets the time that left over, it’s not a priority.
Start making your marriage top priority and rekindle the connection between the two of you. In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I share with you ways of rekindling the connection between the two of you.
Click and download your copy of the workshop today and enjoy the new priority position of your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
