Today’s a good day for dealing with a question from a reader. Someone recently finishing the webinar asked “I have too many details in my mind. I found videos and letters. I read too much and saw too much. How do I get past images of that?”
This is one of the problems that comes with TMI (Too Much Information). Rather than binge drink, the temptation you face is binging on information while obsessing about the affair.
The problem is that your mind records these experiences and can play them back to you in a way that makes it seem like you are experiencing these things again.
Like binge drinking, there’s a hangover that comes from overdoing it.
Only this hangover stays in your head, even after taking pain killers. This is one of the dangers that come with obsessing about the affair.
The problem is that your mind isn’t allowed to rest. And today, we’ll give it some parameters so that you can get beyond the images you’ve experienced, rather than obsessing over them.
It’s not OK for someone else to tell you how long it will take before you let go of the affair. When you are told “Do not think about it!” Your mind does just the opposite. It drives you to binge on information about it, the lover, and more. It’s as if you are binging on affair porn. And just like porn, its effect on you is going to be temporary.
What’s really happening is that even when you’re trying to get over it, your power of focus can be hijacked… and the images flash by in a way that keeps them rotating in your head like they are still fresh.
What makes this situation worse is the addition of videos. Pictures and videos cement things in your mind.
It’s no longer something you imagine. You can see for yourself what happened. It makes what happened very real.
Your mind connects data points of material you have stored away. What you call memory is actually the recall of those data points into a cohesive whole. Your mind creates a story that makes sense of what you know. The problem is that the story it tells you isn’t required to make sense or be factual.
With images and videos, the associations in your brain are stronger and resist fading into the background. They undermine any attempts to “forget” the material. The only way to forget is to “recycle” them and make new connections in your brain that override the old ones.
With all that information, choices are created as well. You now face decisions you hadn’t considered before. The more you know, the more choices you encounter.
The problem with all the choices is that your mind freezes when you are facing too many choices. You get stuck because you can’t move forward while your mind is spinning around all these choices.
The more information you have, the harder it is to let go of what happened. You’ll find yourself obsessed with the details and unable to stop thinking about them. Your mind has been scrambled by too much information.
The good news is that you can put those things behind you. You can move past the immobilization that comes with too many choices.
The downside is that it requires effort and practice in doing so. You may want to put it behind you, but are you willing to do what it takes in order to make it happen?
You want peace of mind, but are you willing to do what it takes?
Most of you want quick fixes and are reluctant to do what it takes. There are no healthy ‘quick-fixes’ that block out those images and memories.
Although the reader asked for ‘how’, it would take a while laying all that out. It will take forgiveness and unlearning. Just my video on forgiveness, where I go over the ‘how’ is over an hour in length.
In the video, I share ways of starting the process of letting go. The video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” can be downloaded here.
After applying forgiveness, you’ll need some ‘unlearning’ that comes with mindfulness. I address this in some of the other videos concerning trauma.
You can move past this. Your brain can change its focus with some help and guidance.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
