On reading her email about discovering her husband’s affair, I could sense the anguish in her voice in asking “Was anything real?”
There are times you are left questioning everything around you. You even start questioning yourself and your own value. Those are painful moments. Even when you tell yourself, ‘This will pass’, time moves slowly.
That’s one of the things about pain. It makes thing seem like they’re in slow motion. You see things start falling apart in slow motion and feel helpless in doing anything about it.
In dealing with the question of what is real, there are some things to consider. You, for one are real. You may have been lied to and deceived, but you are real. The hurt you experience from the betrayal is real. They really did lie and they really did hurt you.
When you’ve been gaslighted over time, you start believing the lies they tell you about yourself. This moment when you are questioning things is your opportunity for breaking out of the power of the gaslighting.
If they lied about the affair, they lied about the gaslighting. That means that all their demeaning comments about your intelligence, appearance and abilities were lies. He told you those things to blind you to your potential.
He may have loved you at one time, but he didn’t cherish you the way you deserve to be cherished and valued. Your healing starts when you stop believing the lies and start believing you have value and worth.
Along the way, there were real moments. The two of you really did travel to some places and if there’s children, they are real as well.
The effects of their lies, deception and gaslighting will take time to wear off. It didn’t get there overnight and its not going away overnight. You can shrink it’s power by countering each lie with confirmation that it is a lie. It’s the unchecked lies you let into your head and heart that empower the gaslighting.
As you go through this part of recovery, it’s important to take things one day at a time. In the video “Overcoming the Affair Crisis“, I go into some of the ways of accomplishing this.
When going through the crisis phase, there’s a temptation to make life changing choices on impulse. You’ll have to resist that temptation and focus on other areas instead.
Click and download your copy today. You need solid footing in making it through this.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
