Last month, in one of my facebook live episodes I presented “What wrong with me?” is the wrong question.” It pointed out how the folly of blaming yourself for problems with self-acceptance.
Many self-acceptance issues go back to the scars left behind from traumas earlier in your life. You get so accustomed to blaming yourself, it keeps you stuck in a loop of self-criticism.
Not only that, the constant blaming keeps your nervous system activated so much you can’t turn it off. That’s just one of traumas lasting effects.
When an affair happens and you have a history of trauma, you’re at risk for blaming yourself. When you look for what’s wrong with you, your focus is on yourself.
When the focus is on yourself, it’s only going to be a matter of time before you find something wrong with yourself. Since you’re looking for blame toward yourself, that’s where you’ll find a plausible answer.
Your question tells you mind to start searching for your faults. Like a blood hound, it takes off in search of flaws, and will eventually find them.
The answer may be plausible, but the problem isn’t something wrong with you. The problem lies in what happened to you and how you dealt with it.
With trauma episodes, it’s easier to blame yourself than honestly look at the situation and what happened. You do and say things that make sense to you, but others are bewildered at what you did.
It makes sense to you since you’re the one who endured the trauma. You did what you knew to do. That doesn’t make you a bad person.
The scars of trauma impact how you feel, think and behave. The affair represents another relationship that broke and attachment that ruptured.
Now is a time for finally dealing with those trauma reactions rather than running from them or hiding them from others. In the video, “Getting Past Affair Trauma”, I present ways of moving past the trauma.
You don’t have to stay emotionally stuck or shut down. You can instead start putting those things behind you. Click and download a copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
