At a conference I attended a couple years ago, the speaker said something that got me thinking. His comment has so much truth in it that something inside gave it an “Amen!” and “He’s right you know!”
What he said that triggered that reaction was “There are no side effects to medications. There are only effects.” He went elaborated on what are commonly referred to as side effects are actually the undesirable effects of medications.
We just call them ‘side’ effects, so that their impact is downplayed. Even in the television drug commercials, the side effects are mentioned either very quickly or at a low volume in order to distract you from them.
Those effects are just as much a part of the medication as the desired outcomes.
When you call them ‘side effects’, you consider them as less likely or less serious. It’s playing head games with yourself.
The speaker’s comment started my mind replaying all the pharmaceutical commercials in my head. They loudly proclaim the desired effect, yet the side effects, like death or heart attacks are downplayed rather than treating all the effects equally.
Since I focus on affairs, my mind jumped to that topic in terms of the effects of affairs on you and your family. The actions of the cheater starts a chain reaction of effects.
Just like the drug companies downplay their side effects, the cheater downplays the effects of their choices on you and on other family members.
They may even claim that some of the effects are actually “your problem” or your child’s problem. When your child acts up at school, they’ll be quick in blaming the child or chemical imbalances rather than seeing it’s connection with the affair.
I recall one wife who was having a secret affair. During that time one of her children was consistently getting into trouble at school. She blamed his behavior on the chemical imbalances and refused seeing any connection between her affair and its effects on him.
The imbalances may have been there, yet the tensions that came with the affair pulled the trigger. The affair does impact your moods, the behavior of your children and your health.
The cheater wants you to put on blinders that keep you from seeing the whole picture. They sell you the picture they want to portray.
They don’t want to see or you to see all the effects of their choices. Like the drug companies, they’re downplaying the side effects of their side chick.
When you and your spouse start viewing the big picture of the full range of the effects, it changes you. It changes how you look at relationships. You realize that affairs are not ‘recreational sex’. There’s much more to them than someone finding themselves or having fun.
When you see the full picture you also see the need for taking action. Ignoring all the effects of the affair keeps you from making good choices.
If the cheater’s been keeping the full picture from you, now is the time for action. I now have some time slots open for consultations and telephone counseling. If you are interested, contact me via email Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for times and availability.
The time for taking action is now.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
