On reading through queries used in finding the blog, I was struck by someone wanting God to restore their marriage. Are you one of those who is hoping for such a restoration?
If you are there are some things that you may want to consider.
First, I don’t rule out the possibility that instantaneous restoration can occur, yet it’s rare is in many cases it would not be what you really need.
Hoping for something to ‘zap’ the cheater into restoration without effort on your part has more in common with magic than with divine intervention.
Wanting the ‘instant’ no-effort solution sets yourself up for trouble. The problem with zap intervention is that you’re dealing with another ‘quick-fix’. When you are dealing with affairs of the heart and relationships, the quick-fix is that fast solution, but not the best solution.
Another problem with ‘quick-fixes’ are that sudden zaps turn the situation crazy. If a sudden change brings them back, a sudden change can take them away.
The third problem with the ‘quick-fix’ zap concerns theological implications, which this is not the forum to address.
On the positive side, including God in your recovery efforts is a good thing. You’ll need encouragement as you go through recovery. It’s important telling yourself that that doesn’t mean effort free.
Wanting God to heal your marriage means you’re required to fulfill your responsibility in that area. If you don’t know what you’re required to do, your task becomes a matter of the blind leading the blind.
If you don’t know what to do or what to look for, you’re lost. Change could be happening and you don’t see it. When real change happens, it touches everyone, you, the cheater and your family.
Wanting God to restore your marriage also means that you make room for his presence. You can’t want that kind of restoration without making room.
In most cases where I’ve seen the effects of massive turn arounds, it starts with a series of changes. You see a change in attitude before a change in behaviors.
Those small series of changes ends up making huge differences. Doing a massive turnaround means doing a lot of small things right.
It may be a loss of interest in the lover or an increased interest in you. It could even be that the lover loses interest in them, or that you start changing your attitudes.
Whichever way it starts, the process of change begins a series of chain reactions. Once the heart turns around, the body often follows. You want their affections directed toward you to be ‘real’.
When the change occurs in stages, gradual and over time, it’s change you can believe in. It is a change that will have more lasting effects.
So when you want God to restore your marriage, the change may already be starting, you just don’t see the effects yet.
If you’re wanting a road map that lays out what changes are needed, the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” lays out what is needed, what you need to talk about and ways of making it happen.
What you do on a day to day basis either brings the two of you closer or pushes the two of you further apart. Your choices do make a difference.
Best Regards,
Jeff
