It often astounds me in working with couples when those relationships which began with an affair begin developing trouble. The part the astounds me is that although little respect was given to marriage when the affair was underway, yet once they get married, they expect their spouse to have greater respect for their marriage than they had for the previous marriage. The thought runs through my head, “If they didn’t respect marriage before, what makes you think they will do so now?”. Those couples in that dilemma really do not ‘get it’. They do not understand that the lack of trust or regard that went with the affair carries over into the next relationship.
A second area where post-affair couples who marry their paramour do not realize is that all the wild sex often changes once they are married. The things that were done as part of the affair are now not so fun. When one spouse refuses doing what they did when the affair was hot and heavy, the other often wonders, “Hey! What happened?”.
I cannot say that this happens in every relationship where a lover marries their paramour. I will also have to add that as a counselor, I only see those that are having problems. I do know that the statistics suggest that second marriages do not last as long as the first. In the case of affair borne marriages, these may be some of the underlying reasons for that.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
