At a recent conference I attended, the speaker said something that got me thinking. His comment has so much truth in it that something inside gave it an “Amen!” and “He’s right you know!”
What he said that triggered that reaction was “There are no side effects to medications. There are only effects.” He went elaborated on what are commonly referred to as side effects are actually some of the effects of the medications.
His comment started my mind replaying all the pharmaceutical commercials in my head. They loudly proclaim the desired effect, yet find ways of downplaying the side effects rather than treating all the effects equally.
Since I focus on affairs, my mind jumped to that topic in terms of the effects of affairs on you and your family. The actions of the cheater starts a chain reaction of effects.
Just like the drug companies downplay their side effects, the cheater downplays the effects of their choices on you and on other family members.
They may even claim that some of the effects are actually “your problem” or your child’s problem. When your child acts up at school, they’ll be quick in blaming the child or chemical imbalances rather than seeing it’s connection with the affair.
The imbalances may have been there, yet the tensions that came with the affair pulled the trigger. The affair does impact your moods, the behavior of your children and your health.
The cheater wants you to put on blinders that keep you from seeing the whole picture. They don’t want to see or you to see all the effects of their choices.
When you and your spouse start viewing the big picture of the full range of the effects, it changes you. It changes how you look at relationships. You realize that affairs are not ‘recreational sex’. There’s much more to them than someone finding themselves or having fun.
When you see the full picture you also see the need for taking action. Ignoring all the effects of the affair keeps you from making good choices.
I share some tips for viewing the whole picture in the support community at Restored Lifestyle along with resources for doing something about it. The more you know, the better you’ll be able to handle the situation.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
