When the cheater is in the midst of an affair, they often act and behave differently. During those times you may wonder “What is wrong with him?” or ask yourself “Is he alright?”
During the affair the cheater may talk and act like a totally different person. They seem to have different drives and motivations. They may even change their whole value system. A good, church going man may suddenly change into a ‘man of the world’ or ‘playboy’.
Anytime your spouse shows sudden changes, it should concern you. There can be various things behind such sudden changes.
Before assuming that ‘everything is due to the affair’, you will want to insist that they be evaluated by a physician, including having their blood levels tested. There could be others issues going on that need attention. Getting them tested is a way to rule that possibility out.
Sudden strange behaviors may be indications that something is going on. Once the cheater has been checked out and chemical imbalances have been ruled out, then you can focus on the affair as a trigger for the sudden changes.
In many of my previous posts, I have dealt with these behavioral changes, calling it the ‘affair fog’. You may find yourself calling this state of strange behavior by some other names (being in ‘robot’ mode, being in ‘zombie’ mode, being under the lover’s spell, being hypnotized, or something else). Most of the names refer to the cheater being in some kind of ‘altered state’ where they think and behave differently.
The cheater may even deny that anything is different. They will try keeping the appearance of ‘normality’. They want you to think that ‘all is well’ and that the ‘status quo’ is intact.
They may dismiss accusations of an affair or deny that it has changed them in any way. The reality is that when they have been with someone else, they are biochemically different.
They have changed in terms of their thinking, emotions and spirit. They are different person, even down to the cellular level.
They have chemically bonded with someone else. On a cellular level, changes have taken place. The cheater may minimize those changes.
Even with all the minimizing, it changes them. When your husband or wife has an affair, it does change them. They’re different from that point on.
Expecting them to be ‘who they were’ before the affair is unrealistic. They will never be who they were before the affair. Who they are has been altered.
Their thinking has been re-programed. What they value and how they think has been modified.
When you catch the affair early enough, many of those changes can be overcome. The longer the affair goes on reduces the chances of recovering from the changes.
You’ll need to talk with them about the changes you have seen and how it changes your relationship with them. You’ll also have to explore how much change you are willing to tolerate.
Change is possible. The “Affair Recovery Workshop” guides you through this time. You’ll understand more about what changes have occurred and what you can do about them. You’ll also discover ways of recapturing lost territory in your spouses’s heart and head.
The longer you wait and the more established the affair-induced change remains in place, the bigger the challenge you’ll face.
Best Regards,
Jeff
